Ep 88. Find Your Fierce

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 88: Find Your Fierce.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast, episode number 88, find your fierce F-I-E-R-C-E, find your fierce. That was one of my client’s takeaways from last weekend’s Dream Big Retreat. And she is Australian so she has the most gorgeous accent you have ever heard. And at the end of the last day, the last afternoon that we spent together, session four, I had everybody give me one takeaway from the retreat. And hers was, find my fierce. And at first because of her accent I thought she was seeing fears, F-E-A-R-S. And I had her repeat it five times, bless her heart.

And I go, “Oh, fierce. Fierce, yes, find my fierce, dig in and know how fierce I am because I am already fierce. I just have to find it and practice it and know it and depend on it and grow it. So we had so many takeaways, everybody’s was different. And I’m going to keep teaching on the takeaways because they’re so powerful. I mentioned one this week. So I have three or four young 40 year olds in groups. And three of them were here at the retreat and one of them just turned 40. I think two of them are just at 40.

But one of the 40 year old’s said, her takeaway was, I am no longer going to ride on anyone’s coattails. And that was so powerful as well because it really is finding our fierce, when we decide that we’re not going to be playing the supporter role anymore. It’s not that we’re not going to support everybody, of course we are, but not in our own life. We have to support ourselves first and foremost. And if someone’s creating something big, my job is to let her be my pacer so I can create something big too. That’s what we all want.

It’s not to just cheer her on but it’s to let her be the example for me to find my own fierce and to stop riding her coattails. And to create something big in my life because I’m so worthy of that. That’s what I want. I want to be the one creating big things in my life. And I know you want that too, but you have to find your fierce first. You have to be intentional about your life and stop squandering your days playing second fiddle and riding people’s coattails, we all have to do that. So many good takeaways from the retreat, you guys.

And you know that I am in the business now at 62 years old of creating big things. I am on fire. I am the pacemaker and I am looking for people just to keep me moving along. And being together with these beautiful clients of mine, I was thinking the whole time we were together, how extraordinary we all are. I would just listen to them as I was coaching them, look them in the eyes as they were telling us all their story, the dreams they have already created. The dreams they want to create moving forward. And I was just intensely listening and curious about each one of them and the entire time thinking, you are extraordinary.

And I think that is such a powerful knowing for each of us women in the second half of life, if you can know that you are extraordinary, if you can get up with that extraordinary energy every day, oh my goodness that is your fierce. You will no longer be satisfied riding on other people’s coattails. I was the queen of that when I had all the hundreds and hundreds of people in my life that I was just so connected to.

I listened to this podcast this morning that was entitled, The Prize Never Chases, something like that, The Prize Doesn’t Chase. And I was thinking how the first half of my life I spent chasing and riding people’s coattails and picking friends who did really big, extraordinary things just so I could be a part of it. That’s what I call riding people’s coattails, giving them the credit for creating extraordinary things and big things. But I wasn’t doing my job in my life, creating extraordinary things and big things in my life for the benefit of the world and for the benefit of everybody I had influence on.

I was just riding people’s coattails and cheering them on and had a lot of anxiety around that because that is why I was such a people pleaser. I had to stay in everyone’s good graces so they would include me in their life. So I could be hanging on their coattails as they were moving through the world in a fierce dynamic way and creating big things. So I had to let all of that go. I had to find my own fierce and I had to jump off all of the coattails and be brave enough to take a chance on me, to know that I am enough, that I don’t necessarily need anyone outside of me to validate me.

I have to validate me. I had to learn how to do that myself and I did. And the more I create big things the more I bet on myself and take risks on myself and go all in on me and never let my brain talk me out of it. The fiercer I get, the braver I get, the more confident I get, the more I create. And the more magical and enchanting and extraordinary my life becomes, the more expansive it becomes, it’s undeniable.

And it’s inevitable when we find our fierce and we’re willing to take the risk, to take the chance and jump off of the coattails and pull out the fierce in us and develop it and become it while we’re creating our dreams. While we’re doing the work of getting clear about what we want. I’m going to teach you right now, the steps that I taught my women this weekend. I gave them seven steps when we’re creating something big.

So step number one is to get clear, to find clarity, that’s word number one, clarity. Get clear about what it is you really want. And then step number two is to commit to it. You can’t just want it anymore. You can’t just dream about it. You have to commit to it. That means that this is what I’m going to create no matter how long it takes, no matter how much energy that it takes, no matter how much money it costs, no matter what my fears are around it, no matter what other people are saying about it.

All of these objections that we have, that our brain has, it doesn’t matter, none of that even matters. We get clear about what we want and then we get fierce about it, we commit to it. And then we have to be brave enough to put it into action, to take the first step. The first step is so crucial. We don’t have to know the how, we just have to take the first step. And I kept giving them the example of my last dream was to create this retreat. And they were in the middle of seeing and experiencing the dream that I created. They got to experience my dream with me. They were a part of it.

And that’s what our dreams are, it’s for the benefit of the world. My dream wasn’t just for me, it was for all of my clients. And look at the ripple effect it has on all of you on my podcast. I almost have 90,000 downloads, you guys. I’m on my way probably in the next, I don’t even know, few weeks to hit 100,000 downloads. That’s a dream of mine. And it’s coming to fruition because I’ve been so fierce and so committed to it. And I got clarity around it first, I committed to it and I was brave enough with sweaty armpits, me and my sweaty armpits to take action on it and put it out in the world.

That’s what I did with the podcast. That’s what I did with my business. That’s what I’ve done with my retreat. It’s been for my benefit and the benefit of the world. And it’s helped me find my fierce, it’s helped me jump off other people’s coattails and create my own dream. And then get so brave. I’m super brave, I really, I’m not afraid of my fear anymore. I’m very much friendly with my fear and I am so used to it coming along with me. It just isn’t the boss of me. I just expect it to ride along and I know its voice pretty well, very familiar with my fear.

But it’s just a little quiet chatter. It doesn’t really yell at me anymore like it used to because I just don’t give it much airtime. I don’t give it much credibility. So my fear isn’t the boss of me. I’m definitely the boss of my fear so I do it anyway. So clarity, commitment, courage. So courage is our fierce, F-I-E-R-C-E, our fierce.

And then we have to get creative, that’s step number four. So maybe the first step we take, maybe the second step we take, maybe the third step we take isn’t working. And you’re just like, “I wonder how I can do this differently maybe. This doesn’t feel right to me.” Like with me and planning the retreat, at first I thought I was going to do it all myself. And then once I took the first step I was like, “I’ve got to hire an event planner.” I got creative. I got brave. I knew it was going to cost me more money and I was like, “I’m all in, I don’t even care. I’m going to make this retreat. I’m going to blow their minds. I’m going to blow my own mind.”

Because I had just read the book, you guys know this, I’ve told you about it, Unreasonable Hospitality. If you haven’t read it, you guys have got to read it. But it blew my mind. We cannot be too generous with each other, we cannot. The more we give, you guys, the more we get. That’s how the exchange works in this world. The more generosity that flows through us out to the universe, to all the people we love, we cannot be over-generous, we just can’t. It comes back to us a hundredfold, a thousandfold.

There’s more than enough of everything. So I was just like, “This is going to be an extraordinary retreat, something that they will never forget, something that will change their lives, something that will change my life. If I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it over the top, unreasonable hospitality.” So I had to get creative with that. What are some ways that I can make it amazing? What do I want to do? And I just started getting really creative. So that was step number four.

And then number five is consistency. And if I’m anything, I’m very consistent. I feed the bucket of my dream every single day no matter what. I’m always thinking about it and being creative about it and loving it and nurturing it and showing it some love and some attention and some excitement. So this is the consistency. I don’t avoid it. I’m not afraid of it. I don’t make it small. I talk about it. You heard me talk about my retreat so much. I had already decided in my mind, I was very consistent with it.

And then step number six is competency. So after I threw the entire retreat and during the retreat I felt so good at it. I felt very competent at it. I felt like I knew what I was doing because listen to this, and this is something I shared as well. So remember kind of the skeptics line, well, I’ll believe it when I see it? How many times have you heard that in your life, when you told someone your dream, told someone what you want to do and they’re like, “Yeah.” They’re rolling their eyes sarcastically saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it, You’ve said that before.”

Your brain even may be feeding that to yourself all the time. So that’s a skeptic’s way of seeing things and looking at things, I’ll believe it when I see it. But listen to me, the way that I’ve taught my mind to work intentionally is I’ve got to believe it first and then I’ll see it. It’s a training of my mind. I knew my retreat was going to be over the top extraordinary, magical, enchanting, life changing, life giving, connecting for the women.

We developed such community, that was another one of my client’s takeaways, that she was just filled up with so much support and love and connectedness and community. I knew this already. I believed it already so then I could see it in my mind. I had it all envisioned in my mind. It’s like my concept of being her now. And that was another takeaway from another client, another young client. She was like, “Yes, I am going to be her now. I am being her now. I am my future self now.”

So we do the thought work first. We develop the belief first before we even create it. That’s what creates it for us, it’s already here. We’re already, at the beginning of the retreat I was already the coach who threw extraordinary retreats, who is known for her retreats because that was my goal. So I showed up as her. Remember how I told you I thought I was going to have this big sweaty armpit problem? I didn’t have it. I was so steady and sure and calm and confident the entire time.

I was excited and I was a little nervous but I didn’t have the sweaty armpits. It was all like who my future self was. I showed up as her already, the one that was competent, the one who had already had the successful retreat. So that’s step number six is competency.

And step number seven is the confidence. The confidence comes after you’ve already done it. So you don’t have to have the confidence first to start. You just have to have the clarity and the commitment and the courage first to take the first step. Then as soon as you take the first step, the second step kind of lights up. It’s like, yeah, I’m going to take that step, the second step. You take that fear along with you. But you also, your fierce all along the way like a boss, you’re the boss of this dream. And you are going to see it through, you’re the one. No one else is going to do it.

You are the one who’s going to take all the steps to make sure that it happens for the goodness of you and for the goodness of all of us. We just keep raising each other up. Our energy, you guys, last weekend was undeniable, everybody that walked through our doors of that beautiful balloon filled conference room, balloon filled, flower filled, beautiful women filled. Everybody said, “Wow, I have never experienced this kind of energy before.”

So I want you to know it’s possible for you when you find your fierce and when you go all in on you and you jump off of everybody else’s coattails and you just take a chance on you. You bet on you, who better than you? You’re going to start showing up for yourself, I bet on me every single day. I take a chance on me because I’m the one in my own life who always shows up. I am the best shower upper, I am so committed. I’m committed to me. I’m committed to you. I’m committed to my life. I infuse my life with more life every single day.

I want to teach you how to do the same thing. The second half of life is by far the most fantastic, the most extravagant, the most fulfilling and marvelous and enthusiastic. I have never felt more magnetic. I keep drawing all these amazing, fabulous women to me. And that’s what everyone said too this weekend. And it’s so cute because I, of course, know everybody intimately one-on-one because I’ve spent so much time with everybody one-on-one, but they didn’t know each other one-on-one and they got to know each other.

And by the end of the three days together everybody had exchanged their phone numbers, their emails, they just trusted and loved each other so much because these are the kind of women that I draw to me. And it’s so important, you guys, that you surround yourself with women who make you better, where there’s no negativity and no drama. There’s just motivation and higher goals and optimism and positive energy, where you absolutely bring out the best in each other. This is so important that you’re with people, you’re with other women who are literally bringing out the best in you.

And that’s what we did this weekend, we brought out our highest selves so that we could get a clear picture of who she is and how it feels being her. It’s a feeling we’re all after. We love a good feeling. We want that feeling. And it’s all so possible for us and I really want you to experience this with us. So 99% of all my clients who came to the retreat, I mean I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. They re-signed for their next six months. So they will for sure be at the next retreat that I throw. And I want you to join us at the next retreat.

My group starts this coming Tuesday and I have a spot for you, it’s at nine o’clock every Tuesday morning for one hour. You will get all the coaching you need, I promise you. Doesn’t matter how small or big the group is, it literally doesn’t matter. You will get all the coaching that you need. You will literally make your dream come true, find your fierce, jump off of whatever coattails you’ve been riding on. And literally change the whole direction of your life, I promise you.

I know for sure the power of being in one of my groups. And I won’t offer another group until July. So I just want you to take advantage of this opportunity, go all in, bet on yourself, it is so much value. You’re going to get so much for your money. Don’t let your brain tell you that you can’t afford it. You can’t afford not to. Trust me, you cannot afford not to. You will change your whole money mindset while you’re in this group. So you won’t even be worried about that anymore. And you’ll understand that money is really just an exchange of energy.

So the more you invest in things that are going to bring you a different perspective in your life, a different way of thinking, less scarcity and more abundant thinking, the more money you’re going to create in your life, trust me. I know this for sure, 100%. So don’t worry about the money, just take that risk on yourself and commit to yourself. I’m going to take this next six months and I’m going to change one thing. I’m going to create one big thing for myself.

And I promise you, you will and you will finish it off with a retreat that will blow your mind with unreasonable hospitality and community and connection and thoughts that you’ve never thought before. And knowing that anything is possible for you in the second half of life, doesn’t matter. So I just got a new client who’s 67. I have a client who started in March who’s 68. I have clients who are just 40. I have a few clients who are 40, 41, 42, 43, late 40s. I have clients in their 50s. I have clients in their 60s. It’s just so much fun.

And 40 year old’s told me that they were just waiting to turn 40 so they could join a group. And that’s what they did. So give yourself the gift of living an extraordinary life and finding your fierce and creating something that you’re so proud of. There’s nothing better than that feeling of being proud, trust me, I know and I’m proud of myself every single day. And that’s what motivates me, inspires me and keeps me moving the needle forward. I have so many dreams that I am already in the process of clarifying and committing to. And then I will be brave enough to put them all in motion.

And I don’t want you to just sit back and watch me. I want you to come with me. Come join, on my Tuesday morning nine o’clock group, starts Tuesday morning May 23rd and there is a spot for you in it. Jump in there right here, right now. Okay, so I love you all so much, thank you for showing up today. Have the best week and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.