Reinvented After 40 with Kym Showers | Live a Powerful Life

I want you to know that your dream life is possible, no matter where you are or what you’re experiencing in your life right now. You probably can’t even begin to imagine how dreamy and wonderful your life could be, but in this episode, I’m showing you what it takes to bring it to reality.

If you want more for your life but disbelief, fear, and insecurity are currently standing in your way, that’s okay. It’s also okay if you’re finding it challenging to let go of old habits and relationships that aren’t serving you. Learning to love what you can’t control and changing what you can is the secret to taking back your power.

Join me this week as I lay out the work of becoming the most powerful person in your own life. You’ll learn the power of being the only person you need, and what happens when you show up to do the work of putting yourself first, saying no when you mean it, letting go of people-pleasing, and staying in your own lane. 

My next coaching group starts on 27th March, 2024! You’ll get access to my membership portal filled with magical tools, private coaching with me, bonus workshops, and a brand-new planner! Click here to join!


  • What has had to change for me to live a powerful life.
  • How to let go of everything that is out of your control or not in your best interest.
  • What happens when you become the most powerful person in your own life.
  • Why it’s challenging to break free from old habits and old relationships that aren’t serving you.
  • The results I’ve seen since doing the work of becoming the most important person in my life.



  • Make your reservations at the Avila Lighthouse Suites for my next retreat, which will be in Avila Beach, California on May 2–4, 2024.
  • Interested in working with me? Click here to find out more.


I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 131, Live a Powerful Life.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey my friends. Welcome back to the show, to my show, Reinvented After 40. I’m so in love with it and I’m so in love with you. Thanks for showing up every week. This podcast show keeps growing and growing and growing as does my life and being the boss of my life and the power that I create in my life every single day, it’s incredible. The way that I have changed and my clients are changing because of this work is really remarkable and magnificent and so much fun.

And I just want you to know, wherever you are in your life, anything that you feel is out of your control, I want you to know that isn’t a problem. I want you to know that there are strategies and tips and tools that I can teach you. The things that are out of your control, other people and their feelings and the choices they’re making are out of your control. I just want you to know that and that isn’t a problem unless you make that a problem for you, unless you think that you’re responsible for those people and for their choices and for their feelings.

I just want you to know, you can get unhooked from all of that. And basically it’s what I teach every single day, staying in your own lane, putting your blinders on, learning to love what you can’t control and changing what you can’t love. So that just gives you all the power in your own life. And that’s what I am all about. So I used to be the best people pleaser on the planet as you well know, if you’ve listened to all my episodes. I was the queen of people pleasing.

I just really from the day I was born, I think, thought that to belong, because we all have this primitive brain that has a fear of being kicked out of the tribe. That’s how all of our brains are wired. Well, I had an extraordinary fear of being unloved, unlovable, unloved, and being kicked out of groups and being kicked out of whatever I wanted to be in. I felt like I just really needed validation from outside of me and that’s all I ever really knew.

And I was so heavily involved in church, and that’s kind of what they taught, obey all the rules and serve all the people and make sure that you do everything right and all of that. And none of that really was to my benefit ultimately. And it’s really not what gives us our best life. Our best life is taking all of our power back and making sure that we learn how to give ourselves what we need. It is never outside of us. Love comes from inside of us 100% of the time.

And I have just learned how to give myself what I need. My life keeps getting better and better and better because I experience so much. On Tuesday, last Tuesday was my birthday and gosh, really surprising at how overwhelmed I felt all day by all of the love from all of you, my family, my friends, old friends that I hadn’t heard from in so long that really were off my radar. I am so loved. And it felt even more powerful to me because I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t looking for it.

And because I have come so far from doing things at my own expense to make sure that other people show up for me, and I know that you know what I’m talking about. We do things, we betray ourselves to make sure that we feel loved by other people. And I just don’t do that anymore. I’ve learned how to love myself well. And I don’t do anything out of obligation towards other people. I only do the things that I really want to do that feel so genuine to me towards other people. So I don’t do things to get something back.

So that’s a very powerful woman on planet Earth who has learned at the age of 63 to not be manipulated by other people and to not betray myself for outside validation. And I want you to know, you can learn how to do that too, if you feel like you’re stuck in people pleasing. And that’s kind of the umbrella category that I put that in. If you are afraid to disappoint people, if you don’t like that feeling in your body, it creates so much anxiety for you if you tell people no. So you keep saying yes to things that you really don’t want to do.

Maybe it’s even a parent where you just keep saying yes to things that you don’t want to do. And because you don’t want them to be mad at you because you know they will hold love from you. And it just creates so much anxiety in you and frustration and you’re caught in this loop of that. I want you to know you can stop that. You can stop it right now. Let them be disappointed. Whoever it is, maybe it’s your grown kids, maybe it’s a best friend, maybe it’s your husband, you’re afraid of his emotions.

I want you to know, you can still be afraid of their emotions and stop doing things that are not in your best interest. I want you to start paying attention to you and giving yourself what you need every single day. If you notice that your anxiety is high when you see someone’s name on your phone, a text or a call, and you know if you don’t answer it, that they’re going to be mad at you or they’re going to question it and you need to be on call to these people 24 hours a day. I want you to stop answering their call. That’s step number one. Actually, that’s step number two.

Step number one is just being aware of the anxiety that certain people bring up in you and getting clear about why. And usually it’s because you’re hooked in a relationship that is unhealthy, where you’re kind of controlling each other, maybe manipulating each other so that you can have the feelings that you want to have. And it’s usually just a feeling that we’re trying to avoid, a feeling that we’re not willing to feel. And I’m just telling you to run towards it. Stop doing the thing. Stop betraying yourself.

Look towards who you want to become. You want to have a healthy relationship with you. You want to take all of your power back. You want to stop giving your power away to other people. It is so not to your benefit to live this way with other people. So you’re going to have to break free and breaking free from old habits and old patterns, of relationships and old ways of thinking is not easy, my friend. I have been there. I know what it takes and it is so worth the work.

It is so worth going through the fire to get to the other side, I promise you. Oh, my gosh, being in a room of women who are doing this work and getting healthier and healthier by the week. I mean, I wasn’t even going to talk about this, but I cannot tell you how much group coaching with me will change your life. And how even watching other women get coached on the same things that you’re working to break free from and you’re struggling with. You’re going to be so encouraged to do the hard thing, the next hard thing, telling people no.

Even leaving a marriage that is so hard and so toxic and so not your highest best self, when you’re being treated in a way where you’re not even being valued at all and you are the one that’s not valuing you. And you’re in relationships where they’re not valuing you, you’ve got to get out of them and that’s hard. That is super hard to break free from. And I’ve done all of that work and I know how to help you break free so that you can become the most powerful person in your life, which is the goal.

Being the most powerful person in your life, having that feeling every day is a completely different life experience, 100% different life experience. So I am for sure the most powerful person in my life. And I have the marriage I want to have. I love, love, love the marriage that I am in. I love and adore my husband. And I love and adore me even more, and that is what has created it. And he has changed so much from it.

I just want you to know, he kind of has blown my mind lately in the ways that he’s showing up to this marriage. And I am just so attracted to him because of it. I just want you to know that. That this is what’s possible for you when you show up and do this difficult work of becoming the most important person in your life, the most powerful person in your life, putting yourself first and doing that work and saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. And not doing it so that you are trying to please someone else.

So I’m talking about pleasing someone else at your own expense. You’re going to be stuck in toxic relationships because of it, trying to get them to be okay or trying to get them to validate you or trying to get them to give you the feelings that you want to have because you’ve done something for them that you really didn’t want to do. And I’m telling you, you’ve got to stop doing those things. And that’s what’s so difficult. You can’t even explain why other than you’re just like, “I don’t want to do it anymore.” And that should be the best reason on the planet.

I’m giving you permission to let that be the only reason I don’t want to do that anymore. And I know I’ve told you this, but this is really powerful to me too, even how I over-function in all of my relationships. This is going to seem like a silly example, but I stopped in my return text, in my return phone calls, I stopped giving a bunch of excuses or reasons or I stopped complimenting and giving a bunch of emojis. I used to do that so much. It seems so ridiculous now, but I just decided I want to just be a woman of my word.

And I don’t want to over-function or you’re just trying to get them to feel loved by you. I would say all these things that I didn’t need to say and I would use all these adjectives that I didn’t need to use and all these emojis that I didn’t need to use. And I wanted to stop doing that. It was very exhausting for me. And what if I just was clear and direct? What if I just said yes and didn’t even give any emojis? Or what if I just said no and didn’t give any emojis or any excuses or any reasons?

And that my yes was yes and my no was no. And people just got used to that was kind of the new me. And I could trust me and they could trust me. And what if it just took a few years to be this new version of me who I could trust and who felt very powerful and loved in my own skin, in my own life? And that’s who I am now. It’s really a miracle. It’s remarkable. It’s incredible. It’s powerful, but it was painful.

I lost so many relationships that didn’t like this new me. I wasn’t the validating friend anymore. I wasn’t the validating wife anymore. I wasn’t the validating mom anymore. I wasn’t the validating daughter or the validating family member anymore. I just became someone I could trust. I just wanted to over-function in my own life and stop over-functioning in everyone else’s life. And I want you to know this is the way. This is the path.

When you have relationships that you feel stuck in, that you really don’t want to be in anymore, you don’t like the version of yourself. It’s time to break free from those relationships, 100%. And the ones that truly love you and want to connect with you at this new level, they’re going to connect with you at this new level. And that’s kind of what I realized on my birthday is, all these old friends, they do love me and they’ve always loved me and they’ve always wanted to connect at this level. I just wasn’t there yet.

I wasn’t at the level even though they were at or that they needed to grow to. And that’s with kind of everybody that I feel connected to in my life now. I’m more connected to me than I am to them and that’s the key. And there is such a difference between the attachment that I needed. There’s a difference between attachment to people and connected to people. And so that’s what I know and that’s what I can kind of sort out in my head. And I can see so clearly, hindsight is 20/20.

I needed so much from these people and so that’s why I over-functioned in so many relationships. That was so exhausting, gave all my power away consistently. I felt like everybody else was way more powerful in my life and their emotions and their moods and the way they showed up, way more powerful than I ever was. And so to be able to break free from those relationships, be willing to give them up. Who would I be if I gave up all these relationships in my life, could I be okay?

And that’s really the question that you can ask and answer yourself right now. Can I be okay with just me out in the wilderness, out as a pioneer? And maybe five years from now, some of these people will show back up, but we will have a very powerful, healthy connection with each other instead of this unhealthy attachment to each other and each other’s moods and emotions and all of that nonsense. We do not need to do that.

So I just want you to know that you can learn to love what you can’t change. And you also need to learn how to change what you can’t love. And show up for yourself and do the work. If you can set aside the disbelief and you can set aside all the fear and insecurities and all of that and tell yourself all of that’s okay, that you just want something better. And you know something’s better in the future if you do the work now to become the boss of your own life, to become the woman that you can count on.

The person, the most powerful person in your life, that you can count on, male or female, that you can show up for yourself even if no one else shows up for you, that you will be totally fine and even better than fine. That you are the only person that you need ultimately. If you can roll up your sleeves and get to work, loving yourself, validating yourself, doing the hard things, letting people go, being willing to disappoint people just so you don’t disappoint yourself. You will wake up one day and you will be living your absolute most powerful dream life.

That, honestly I can tell you, you can’t even imagine it right now, because that’s where I am my friend. And I would love to help you do that for yourself. Give yourself this gift for the next six months. My next group starts Wednesday, March 27th, the last Wednesday of March at one o’clock California time from one to two every single Wednesday for six months. You will get 20 group sessions. You will get two private sessions. You will get six bonus workshops.

And you will get to come to my May retreat in Avila Beach, California and surround yourself with women who are learning how to become the most powerful person in their life and how to become the most optimistic version of themselves. I am the most optimistic version of myself. I know how to think positively every single day and take the actions every single day that I need to take to make sure that I get every single thing out of this 24 hour period that I really want to get. I am so successful at it.

I am an example of what’s possible. When you learn how to be so optimistic in your own skin, oh, my gosh, optimism is so powerful. And I think that is my superpower for sure, 100%. I know how to be optimistic every single day, no matter what’s going on outside of me. Because I know the skill of processing feelings. Emotions are not a problem for me. I create the exact emotions I want to feel. And I can teach you, my friend, how to do that too.

Go to my website,, sign up for my March 27th group. You will get in right away and you will hear from me right away. I will send you so many useful tools. You’ll get my workbook. You’ll get my planner, which is so powerful to learn how to plan tomorrow today. I will teach you how to do that. And you’ll have access to my client portal right away. You’ll get to watch all of my workshops. That will literally change your life right off the bat, even before we get started.

So I would love to be your official life coach. Come work with me. It will be the best decision you ever make, 100%, and change your life forever. Become the most optimistic, powerful person in your own life and your entire life will change forever. Alright, I love you so much. Thanks for showing up today. Share this episode with anyone who you know could use a boost today and I love you. I will see you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.


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