Ep 122. How to Be Obsessed with Your Life

I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode 122, How to Be Obsessed with Your Life.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey, friends, welcome back to the pod. This is my first recording in about a month. Oh, my gosh, I had to do so many before the holidays and now at the end of my vacation I’m sitting here looking at the bright, beautiful blue ocean recording episode number 122. It has been so fun to have a break. You guys, we all need a break, we all need a vacation because we want longevity, we want sustainability. We want to create a life that we’re obsessed with. We need downtime.

And I needed a two week vacation and so I’ve made some decisions about my business this year that’s going to be so much better for my clients, so much better for me and the sustainability and energy level that I plan to maintain forever. So I’m going to take regular vacations and it’s just going to do us all a world of good when I take a regular vacation. So you know how I always tell you, create a life you’re obsessed with. I am so obsessed with my life. I create a life every day that I’m obsessed with. And I just feel, man, if this is available to you, it can’t just be me. If I can do it, you can do it, 100%.

Anything that I am doing, you 100% can do because I just decide. I decided I don’t want to worry anymore. And so I have gone into rigorous training in the last six years. If you haven’t listened to episode number 121, last week’s podcast, I highly recommend you listen to that because all we’re going to do in this life that we’re obsessed with is practice, practice, practice the things that we want to get good at.

So we’re going to let go of worry by practicing thinking thoughts on purpose, which are more useful thoughts. Which are thoughts that are going to give us the feelings that we want, to drive the actions we want, to create this life that we want, that we really can’t wait to get up every single morning to live. And that’s exactly what I do. So you guys, I literally don’t worry. It’s the craziest thing. And it really is because worry is just a practice that we’ve been doing, let’s just say you’re 60 years old, for 60 years.

So your brain has these patterns about it that your brain thinks are necessary to keep you alive. If you’re not directing your brain, if you haven’t learned how to direct your brain and think on purpose yet, your brain just defaults to worrisome, troublesome negativity, negative thoughts. So it is so unnecessary. It isn’t useful to us at all. And all it does is really, truly waste our energy, wastes our mental energy, our emotional energy, and it wastes our physical energy and our spiritual energy.

So I just want you to know that when you decide that you don’t want to worry anymore, then you start practicing, not worrying. And the first step you guys, is noticing when you are worrying, being aware of it. So you just are aware of it. My brain is worried about one of my kids. What is going to happen in the future? It’s usually some kind of future thought that is negative, something bad is going to happen in the future to maybe one of my parents or to one of my kids or to my husband or to me.

So I just want you to notice that and just be aware of that. Notice that your brain thinks it’s important to protect you somehow and maybe even you believe that it’s protecting them if you worry about what could happen. It’s almost like you think, it’s like putting a little shield around them if you worry, but it isn’t at all. It does nothing but waste your mental energy and it wastes your emotional energy and it wastes your physical energy.

And so I think, because I have the useful thought that okay, if that does happen, because the worst thing that’s going to happen, our brain’s just like the worst thing that could happen is that someone’s going to die, it might be me, it might be them. Alright, well, eventually we’re all going die. I mean, that’s just the facts of life. So I can separate out the facts from the story in my head.

And so if I’m going to create a story in my head, why would I create a story that is going to create anxiety in me or worry in me or distract me from my work in the world? I might as well create a story that is useful for me like okay, we’re all going to die at some point. And if I die, well, I won’t even know it. I’ll just be gone. I don’t know what happens to us after we die, but I choose to think it’s something really magical and really fabulous and fascinating and even better than this life. So I just don’t even fear dying for me. And of course, I would rather die first.

I know this sounds morbid. I don’t know why I’m here talking about death, but I just want you to know, death doesn’t scare me because I know we’re all going to die. And I know too, for some reason, my dad passed away a couple of years ago, and it was horrible. It was the saddest thing that’s ever happened to me and I got through it and it was always going to be that way, of course. And my dad is always with me. And I know that worrying about someone dying isn’t useful for any of us.

So I just want you to know my useful thought. I think what has solved this problem of worry that I used to have, that created so much anxiety in me, a lot of it was not death, but actually worried about being kicked out of the tribe. Worried about people being mad at me. Worried about people talking about me. I had financial worries. I had, sometimes, global worries. I just don’t have any of those worries anymore because I know that I’m going to keep figuring everything out as I go along.

I just know that I’m going to keep figuring everything out as I go along. And worrying about it, does nothing but hinder me from figuring things out as I go along. So I just decided, I’m not worrying anymore. I don’t worry about anything anymore. I think that everybody is doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. So that could be a worry of yours, that other people in your life that you love aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing. And you’re trying to get them to do something different for their protection.

But I’m telling you, that doesn’t work. All it does is hinder your growth, hinder your work in the world, hinder your ability to create a life you’re absolutely obsessed with because you’re just stuck in this chronic anxiety pattern of worry. I promise you, that’s it. So when you can just look at the people in your life and you just decide they’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. Now, if you need to create boundaries, definitely have boundaries, definitely say no. This isn’t a boundary issue. This is you and you.

This is you deciding that you’re going to think thoughts that are useful for you. And you’re going to stay out of everybody else’s business and you’re going to water your own grass. You’re going to take care of your own yard and stop complaining about everybody else’s yard.

In fact, it’s so funny, because I was just thinking about this because we sit up on a hill. So we actually overlook three neighbors, three homes. And those three homes are all connected by common fences, and we’re friends with our neighbors. And I’m assuming that they’ve all banded together and they’re all having this new fence made. And so right now, all three fences are down and so their yards are all just kind of together and all three yards are very different.

And I was thinking how the fence makes really good neighbors, it does. We all need fences. And I told Jeff, I was like, “I’m so happy for our fence.” It made me realize, oh my gosh, a big portion of our fence, it’s not brick, but it’s a big stone fence that’s painted white. So it’s very sturdy and I love that. A sturdy fence makes good neighbors. And when we’re just so focused, staying in our own lane, in our own yard.

When we get out of everybody else’s yard and stop criticizing their yard and stop thinking that they’re doing it wrong and stop focusing on how they could fix their yard and the weeds that they have in their yard. And we really just focus on our own yard and our own work and our own life, it gets so much easier to love it and to love who you’re being. Because I promise you, you do not like who you’re being when you’re worrying about things that are outside of your control.

When you’re up in other people’s yards and other people’s business and you think you know what’s best for them, you absolutely do not. I just want you to make the decision. Just know, decision making can be such a high priority for you, a skill that you practice, practice, practice at and you get really good at it. Because the truth is, you guys, there’s another bomb that I’m dropping on you. There are no wrong decisions, and there are really no right decisions.

It’s just, make your decision, stop procrastinating, and just make your decision, go all in on it and then move along. Because we get stuck in the spin of not making decisions and procrastinating the work that we really want to get going on because we think that we can make a wrong decision. We think it’s not going to work or we think that it’s going to turn out wrong or we think people are going to judge us.

Or we have all these nonsensical thoughts in our brain that are really not useful for us because they’re in the way of us just creating this magical life for ourselves that we can’t wait to get up and keep working on. So stay in your own lane, stay in your own yard, water your own grass. Get out of everybody else’s business, keep your eyes focused on your own work. And just start falling in love intentionally with your life, with yourself, with your daily habits. Clean up your daily habits.

If you don’t like the results that you’re getting with the habits that you have, you’ve got to clean them up. That isn’t a hard thing to do. And even if it is hard, just decide you can do hard things every single day. And doing hard things is good work for us. We kind of want to normalize doing hard things on purpose.

So listen, if you haven’t gone to the movie theater, go to the best movie theater in your town, which I always do. I went two days after Christmas because I was so looking forward to seeing The Boys in the Boat based on a true story. George Clooney directed it. I think he may have produced it too, but he definitely directed it. It is the most beautiful movie, I told Jeff because this is how I am, I have ever seen. I love this movie so much, I think I’m going to go back this afternoon and watch it again.

I just sat in this beautiful recliner all by myself. There were only four of us in the movie theater. And I just got swept away in the story and I loved it so much. I’m calling my groups now, the women in the boats because of how this movie inspired me and motivated me and shifted my thinking about where I am at 62, where you are at whatever age you are. And how important it is to know even if we’re not good at something, if we have a coach, these boys in the boat had this amazing coach who believed in them more than they believed in them.

You probably haven’t even heard of this movie but I really do want you to go see it and you won’t be able to forget it. But what I want you to think about when you’re watching it is, I want you to put yourself in the main character’s position because that’s what I did. I put myself in his position. I remember when I was 20. I remember the hunger I had for my life. And that’s what this kid, he just had a hunger to finish school. He was left on his own.

It reminds me of Taylor Swift’s song, You’re on Your Own, Kid, You Always Have Been. If you haven’t heard that song, listen to that song because I take that personally. I just feel like I’ve always been on my own and I love that. I didn’t have parents who gave me stuff. I had to work for every single thing I’ve ever had. And that has been to my benefit. It is my crowning glory. I love that no one has given me anything because I just have still this big fire in me. And I want to keep that fire burning and lit and growing because I just want to keep being obsessed with my life.

And that’s the way. We just have to do the really hard thing, this kid, this main character in this movie, he tried out to get on the crew team. It was the JV crew team for Oregon State University back in the 1930s. And they ended up, I don’t want to ruin the movie for you, but they ended up getting really, really, really good at it. It’s such a triumphant movie and I really do look at my life that way, you guys and it’s so helpful, and it’s so inspiring for me every day.

I just think, well, dang, if he can do it, why can’t I do it at 62? Why can’t I get that good at everything I want to get that good at? And why can’t you get that good at everything you want to get that good at? So when you’re working at something that you really want to get good at. This year, I’m writing a book. I want to get really good at writing this book. This year I’m growing my business per usual. I want to get really good at being an entrepreneur. This year I’m getting really good at coaching my clients. I want to get even better at coaching my clients.

I want to keep leveling up to be the example of what’s possible. And all it does, you guys, is make my life better and better and better. When I think it can’t get better, it gets better. And I’m obsessed with this particular way of living. It is so much fun and I have no fears about it as far as burn out or I’m going to fail or any of that because I don’t care about that. I’m not afraid of failing, it doesn’t matter to me. And I’m not thinking about what anyone else is thinking anymore.

And I’m not worried about the future at all because I’m so obsessed with my life today and the work that’s on my planner today. And just bringing the energy I want to have in my life today. And I know that when tomorrow comes, I’m going to figure that out too. And I know how to create this momentum. I’m in this flow and I know how to go from vacation mode to work mode. I’m in it now. I’m actually transitioning out of vacation mode into work mode and is it challenging? Yes. Is it difficult? Yes.

Does my body and brain want to stay in this vacation mode forever if left on its own? Heck yes. That’s what our brain does. Our brain’s just like, “Let’s just chill the rest of our life. Let’s just stay in vacation mode.” But you’ve got to pick your hard. So I know because I’m 62 and I’m very wise, that vacation mode is only fun if you have a life you’re obsessed with outside of vacation mode.

So vacation mode would get very boring and very hard because it would be the kind of hard where I am feeling like I am wasting my life. I am not tapping into the potential that I have, the purpose that I have here on Earth. Because two weeks, you guys, went so fast.

I didn’t use my planner at all in the two weeks. I just did whatever I felt like doing. I barely even knew what day it was because I wasn’t really on any kind of a big schedule at all and it was super fun. But I am ready to get back to my real life that I am obsessed with because that’s what makes vacations so fun.

Life is hard. Life is hard either way and I’m not afraid of life being hard. And there are moments where I just do stuff because it is on my planner and that discipline to get it done. Because I have a goal set and I’m the kind of woman who does what she says she’s going to do. I trust myself. That’s who I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve gotten out of people pleasing. I’ve gotten out of codependent relationships. I’m definitely in my own life, creating my own work in the world with so much faith, with so much confidence, with so much joy and good energy and optimism.

This is what solves for any kind of global worry that my brain would want to focus on, this is my work. This is my contribution to the world. And there truly isn’t anything new under the sun as the Bible says, which I know the Bible very well. And I rarely refer to it because I don’t want to have any of that kind of language that feels like it’s very exclusive. Because I don’t think life is exclusive this way and I don’t think God is exclusive at all. I think everything’s inclusive and everything’s expansive and everybody belongs.

Everybody’s loved. Everybody is worthy of the best, most beautiful life that they can create for themselves and so that’s why I show up the way that I do every day on purpose. That’s why I do this podcast. That’s why I have my business and make the offers that I make. And it’s because I just know that there’s more for us, there’s always more. And I think when we can get to a place as women in the second half of life where we trust ourselves wholly, we know we’re going to do what we said we’re going to do, we tell the truth to ourselves.

We’re not afraid to fail or we’re afraid to fail but we still keep showing up and doing it anyways, taking our fear with us, that’s not a problem for us. Where we’re just receptive to what the universe has to offer us, which is infinite goodness, infinite possibility, infinite love, infinite potential, all kinds of fun goodness.

So whatever we want to get good at, I want 2024 to be the year that we just practice, practice, practice, getting good at it. And dropping worry will open up your life in ways that you cannot even imagine right now. Your relationships are going to get so much better. You’re going to clean up your relationships, actually, and just keep the ones that you really are committed to that at the end of your life, you’re going to be so glad that you worked in your own life on these relationships without needing them to change at all.

I’m so committed to my husband. I’m so committed to my kids and to my brother and my sister. But more than even them, I’m so committed to myself. And because I’m that committed to myself, I show up to all my relationships as my highest self, with the energy that I want to bring. I’m so proud of who I am. I just love everybody unconditionally, because I love myself unconditionally. And I’m willing to do hard things but I know the reason that I’m doing them and I always like my reasons. I’m so clear about how I live and why I live this way.

So this gives me a life that I am absolutely obsessed with in the best possible way. I bring so much good energy every day to my life. I’m not worried about tomorrow. I’m not drumming up a bunch of stories about my past. I live with zero regrets. I have no regrets.

I’m not even thinking about my past anymore, I just love it, I appreciate it. It’s gotten me where I am today. And I’m just going to keep headed in the direction of my dreams. And I want you to start thinking, borrow any of these thoughts that I’ve offered you today. It’s so true. It’s so real.

And it just keeps solving for any of your issues that you’re dealing with right now. 100% guarantee it, 100% promise it, alright. So I love you so much for showing up to this podcast week after week and sharing it with your friends. It keeps growing and I just think it offers so much optimism and good energy to the world which we can never have enough of. We need more and more and more of that, so keep practicing my friend. Keep letting go of things that are not serving you and keep picking up and practicing things that are serving you.

Make sure that you’re clear about what you want to create this year because that matters and then just set your days up for the win. Your habits are your system and your systems create your goals and your dreams. That’s how it all works. Alright, I love you so much and I will talk to you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.