I used to be committed to people pleasing, fitting in, and being liked by everyone around me. I wouldn’t have called it a commitment back then, but what I’ve since discovered is that it 100% was. And when I realized this was how I was living my life, I decided to make a change.
As middle-aged women in the second half of life, most of us have been sold the idea that we need to put ourselves last. But the truth is when we put ourselves first and we’re clear on what we’re committed to, stand by them, and own them, it’s not only more life-giving and fun for us, but for those we love around us too.
Join me this week as I offer my top three commitments that I stick to no matter what, and why being brave and honest enough to get clear on what you want to invest in is so powerful. Reinventing your life requires taking a look at your commitments and making adjustments as an ongoing habit, and I’m showing you how to start.
If you want to make 2022 a year to remember, you have to work with me! You can sign up for a free coaching session by clicking here. I promise that by June of this year, you’ll be a different person showing up to your life in a completely new way, and you’ll love every bit of it.
WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
My three non-negotiable commitments.
The power of getting clear on what you’re committed to.
Why purposefully deciding what you want to invest your time and energy into is the best way to live.
What happens when you learn to take care of your own needs first.
How to set yourself up for the life experience you’re longing for.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 28: What We’re Committed To.
Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.
I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.
I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.
Hi, everyone, and welcome to the show. Today I’m talking about what we’re committed to. It’s super powerful and really fun to be clear about our commitments. Stand by them and own them. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or what anyone else is doing and even what we were taught is important. It doesn’t matter. What matters now is what is important to us now, not what was important to us yesterday. We get to change our mind as often as we want to and as often as is necessary to keep us moving forward and creating a life we love.
After all these years of living, and learning, and practicing, and noticing, and deciding, and seeing what works and seeing what doesn’t work, and trying new things. Let’s take a look at our commitments and make adjustments as an ongoing habit. I do it all the time. It’s what keeps my life clear, and simple, and successful. I have three commitments, that’s it. I’m committed to myself first. I’m committed to my family second. And I’m committed to my business third. That’s what I’ve got. I am laser focused on these three things.
What I think about, what I spend my energy on, there’s nothing else on my radar. I am committed. I am successful. My life is extraordinary. But I haven’t always been like this. My life used to be much more muddled and exhausting. I used to be committed to fitting in and being liked, and keeping people happy. And let’s call it people pleasing. My first commitment in life used to be people pleasing. I would have never called it a commitment but it absolutely was. I was definitely committed.
I was afraid of what my life would be like if I let people go and I had to do the work and go through the pain and discomfort of standing on my own. I know a lot of you are committed to people pleasing and may not even be aware of it. You just know that you feel stuck, you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and even a little bit resentful most of the time. I want to help set you free and give you the life experience that you long for. It’ll be so good for everyone in your story but of course especially for you.
So let me give you examples from my own life to get your brain exploring ideas, and options, and possibilities for you. I have three commitments, three, that’s it. I want you to remember that.
My first and most important commitment is to me. I am committed 100% to my mental health, to my emotional health, to my physical health and to my spiritual health. I remember when I had the acute awareness that I was betraying myself to keep other people happy, when I was saying yes and I really wanted to say no. When I was feeling guilty if I wasn’t serving enough, or volunteering enough, or if I thought I was maybe disappointing someone.
I had been taught my entire life, mostly by white middle aged men from the pulpit on Sunday mornings, to put myself last, I was taught to put myself last and I did. So much easier to put ourselves last than to put ourselves first. Women have always been taught to put themselves last. But you know what that creates? That creates a world filled with stressed out, resentful, exhausted middle aged women. That isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, you guys.
Much more interesting, and life giving, and fun for everyone when we put ourselves first, when we tend to our own needs. And we don’t expect anyone else to do it for us. When we’re brave, and honest, and we get really clear about what we want and the few commitments we decide to invest our time and invest our energy in. When we let things and people go to give ourselves lots of room to rest. I can tell you from experience this is the best way to live.
I have zero resentment. I am focused. I am energetic. And my pace is sustainable. I’m in touch with what I’m thinking and what I’m feeling and I take care of myself. I do only what I want to do. I have lots of quiet space in my days and in my weeks. I rest when I’m tired. I work when I have decided to work. And I play when I want to play. It’s a beautiful easy rhythm that I have created for me. I can change it and tweak it any time I want to. It’s 100% my life and I do exactly what I want to do.
When you learn to take care of your own needs first you show up in the world with love and generosity. You are not needy. You are someone people trust because you trust yourself. You are someone people love because you love yourself. You’re someone who adds lots of value to the world because you value yourself. You don’t commit to anything just because someone else thinks you should. Your commitments are intelligent, intentional and they align with who you are and who you are becoming.
You are committed to your mental health. You are committed to your emotional health. You are committed to your physical health and your spiritual health. When you prioritize yourself your life gets much more clear and much more simple. I’m my most important commitment. That is my commitment number one.
My family is my second most important commitment. I am obsessed with my family, my husband Jeff, my kids Riley and Clancy, my son-in-law, Kieran, my two grandbabies, Goldie and Dolly, my brother Tommy and my sister Jazzy. I am wildly in love with my family. I think they’re the most magical people on the planet. I can’t even believe they’re mine actually. How did I get all the best ones? How did I get all the most fun ones? I don’t know but I did and I am so lucky. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them. When they call I answer. When they need me I am there.
But here’s the thing, they rarely need me, they rarely make any requests of me. And you know why? Because they’re busy creating their own lives and meeting their own needs, and putting themselves first and they’re supposed to be. See how it works? When we all get together it’s a good time. They love and adore me but they don’t expect me to meet their needs. I love and adore them but I don’t expect them to meet my needs. We all have good boundaries and we’re all thriving.
It’s super inspiring to be in the energy of my family. I love them unconditionally and that has been to my benefit. I take care of me and they take care of them. I don’t create any drama in my mind. It’s simple, and easy, and a total blast. My family is my second most important commitment.
My business is my third most important commitment. I love my business and I love my clients. Last month at my business mastermind meeting we were asked to describe our relationship with our business and this is what I said about my relationship with my business.
“Kim Showers Life Coaching is my highest self, my most confident self. She is my best life. She does everything she says she will do. She shows up fully every single day. She’s my partner. She’s my cocreator. She is my early mornings. She is my dream wardrobe, my favorite car, my beautiful spacious home with an ocean view. She is kind and generous, and fun and never rushed. She is disciplined, and healthy, and eats delicious fresh food. She’s honest, trustworthy and steady. She is not worried about what might go wrong. She’s brave and unique and does things her way.
She is my friend, she is my confidante and she is always working. She is a machine, a vehicle, a home and a party for me and my clients to grow, and to evolve, and to become everything we have ever wanted to be. She is my rocket ship to the moon and we are just taking off.” I’m in love with my business and committed to my business 100% and my business is thriving. We are never in a hurry, we’re always growing and having fun, and our future is incredibly exciting. My business is my third most important commitment.
So, there you go. I have three very clear commitments in my life. Anything else is not on my radar. I have let everything else go. I spend my energy on these three things and they’re all thriving, me, my family, my business, that’s it. How about you? What are your top three commitments? Do you love them? Do you know what they are? Are they getting you where you want to go? I want you my friend to take some time and to assess. If you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful this will solve for that. You are not here to take care of everyone’s needs.
You have a few specific things that you feel drawn to, pay attention. Take good care of yourself first and then decide what it is you really, really want. Your commitments are creating your life experience. If you’re not absolutely loving it, it is time to change. Reinvent yourself, reinvent your life by cleaning up your commitments.
If you are serious about it and you want some help from a professional, hire me to be your life coach for the next six months. We will get to work together creating a life that you absolutely love living. I know exactly how to help you and the process is better, easier and more fun than you think it is. Six months from now you can be living a much different life by simply changing your commitments and getting very clear about them. I’m ready for you so let’s go.
And thanks so much for showing up today and sharing this podcast with your people. I hope it was helpful and useful, inspiring for you all. Have the most exciting week ever. I love and adore you and I’ll see you next Thursday.
Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.
I’m 62 years old and I’ve created a life for myself that blows my mind every single day. I’ve learned how to build a wildly successful business and create a beautiful, strong, healthy body and grow happy, easy relationships with the people I love the most. I’ve become my own inspiration. The 2nd half of life is by far the most exciting & powerful of all. You can have it too.