Ep 80. No One’s Coming to Save You

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 80: No One’s Coming to Save You.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey my friends, welcome back to my show, episode number 80, 80 episodes. They keep accumulating, the weeks keep flying by. And I’m already at 80 and I’m thinking about in 20 weeks when I’m going to hit 100 episodes. And I remember when I first started this and thinking how could I ever possibly come up with 100 episodes. I didn’t even think that was possible then. I didn’t know how it was going to happen. But what I did know was that all I had to do was keep showing up for myself one week at a time and maybe one day I would have a podcast show where I could say my 100th episode.

So I’m going to plan something special for that episode and maybe even reinvent the podcast by then, who knows, or at least rebrand it a little bit and do something special. So here we go guys, as women, as beautiful, strong, independent women in the second half of life, creative, loving, kind, generous, compassionate. Here we are saving ourselves because no one is going to come and save us. That is the best news I can ever say to you and think for you and help you to understand.

Something in us is waiting kind of quietly and hoping that there is going to be someone that comes and offers us what we want, someone outside of us but that’s not true. No one can give us what we need, what we want except for us. So the best news ever is that no one’s going to come save you, no one’s going to come save me, no one’s going to come and give us what we want. It’s up to us. We get to be the ones and I love knowing that. I love thinking like that. And I love talking about that.

So especially women in my generation, so you know I’m 62 years old. I don’t know if you’re in your 40s, if you’re in your 50s, if you’re in your 60s, if you’re in your 70s and beyond. But what I do know is that I was raised a little bit with the idea because I grew up on Disney movies. That there is a prince and I did marry my prince, he is amazing and he has been trying to make me happy for the last 40 years.

He’s been doing his best but he was never supposed to but he was raised kind of on that idea too, that he is the prince riding up on the white horse in all the Disney movies coming to save me and carry me off to my castle and he’s the one. But now we know that isn’t true, it doesn’t work, it’s never supposed to be that way. I have everything I have ever needed to save myself, to give myself all of my wants and longings and desires and you do too. You have every single thing you’ve ever needed to save yourself and to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted.

And so I am proving that to be true. I keep figuring out what I want and I keep creating it for myself. I have never been happier in my own life, more challenged in my own life, more stretched beyond what I thought was possible for me. I keep dreaming bigger dreams and imagining. I know that I have a brain that limits me, I know that now. And so whatever I’m thinking I know that even more is possible for me. And that’s what I offer to my clients as well. My clients are exactly like you.

And if you are my client listening to this, I know you know this about me and about yourself now, that you get to have whatever you can imagine. And it’s up to you to go make it happen for you. So no one’s coming to save you. No one’s coming to save me, no one’s coming to save us. And I think that is our most powerful thought.

Along with that, okay so this week, Michelle Yeoh at 60 years old won her first Oscar. And you know what she said, it was so beautiful her acceptance speech. She said, “Don’t let anybody ever tell you you’re past your prime.” And I know that people have told her she’s past her prime. I know that men think that about us women. I know that women even think that about us women but I am here to offer to you and to me and to all of us women today that we are exactly in our prime right now. Michelle Yeoh just proved that to be true.

A 60 year old beautiful, Asian, powerful woman, very talented woman kept at her dreams and won her first Oscar this week. Can you imagine? That gives me goosebumps and chokes me up even saying it because everything is possible for us. It’s up to us to create it. And if we have people outside of us resisting what we want and making it a little bit harder for us it means we just need to show up stronger and bolder and braver and keep doing the work every single day to make sure that we’re the example of what’s possible for all the women who we influence.

This is so important. It’s such an important powerful idea for all of us to know that we get to be as bold and brave and beautiful as we want to be. That’s our truest selves, we’re here to be our truest, most beautiful, most brave, most powerful self as women in the second half of life. So another idea that I want to offer you along with no one is coming to save you, along with don’t let anyone tell you you’re past year prime is that respect is the minimum. Respect is the minimum.

Kerry Washington who we all know and adore if you’re like me, she’s the Black actress on Scandal. She came into my sphere of influence as far as she has been very influential on my life. She’s so bold, so beautiful and so powerful. She has a new show that came out this week that I started watching called UnPrisoned, that is fabulous. She’s fabulous. I follow her on Instagram and when she was out promoting her show on Instagram she said something like. “Respect is the minimum.” And if you watch her show you’ll see what she’s talking about.

And just in her own life as an actor, as a Black actor and as a woman we can only imagine what she has faced. And when we allow disrespect in our life, we give our power away. It leaves us a little powerless. So when I talk to you about boundaries and when I tell you that respect is the minimum, I am here to let you know, that’s why boundaries are so important. What we allow and what we don’t allow in our lives helps us grow our self-respect and gives us so much more power in creating what we want for ourselves.

So I have had an experience lately. And I told you guys this today on Instagram, I’m actually recording this episode on St. Paddy’s Day, so happy St. Paddy’s day. And I also told you this on Instagram this morning that I have had an unusual experience for myself and some awakening as far as boundaries go and what I allow and what I don’t allow in my life and what I accept and what I won’t accept in my life as a beautiful, bold, powerful woman in the second half of life. So I will never make myself small to make other people comfortable.

And if I am uncomfortable I want to know why. I want to know what I’m thinking and what I’m allowing in my life. So when I go out in public because I have raised my self-confidence and I keep raising it and keep growing it and my self-concept as a beautiful woman in the second half of life, I show up in a different way. I show up very confident. And I stand out a little bit more now and I love that about myself. I’m being very brave out in the world and I’m being an example of what’s possible for all women.

So I’m getting attention, for instance, when women come and approach me and come into my space and talk to me and give me a compliment, I say thank you and I receive it as a compliment. And they don’t want anything from me. They are just respecting me. It feels like respect. And I compliment them right back. They’ll say something like, “I noticed you and I love your style and I just want to tell you that.” And I’m like, “Thank you so much, that’s kind, that got you.”

And I’ve been given so many compliments by women in the past few months and it’s been well received. And I receive them as compliments and I’m here for women. It’s what I’m 100% about. I’m 100% for women, it’s who I champion. And I want to be an example for any woman who is drawn to me. What isn’t well received by me and what is uncomfortable for me is when a man who doesn’t know me, approaches me and says something to me and is in my space and says something like, “I had to tell you, you’re a beautiful woman, I want to tell you that.”

That makes me uncomfortable because I am sure that a man who respects women, a man who respects me, notices me and thinks I’m beautiful or whatever they’re thinking about me, I really don’t care. I’m not being beautiful for men. That’s what I want to tell you. I’m being beautiful for me. And if a man thinks I’m beautiful, he can just keep that to himself because I tell you for sure that a man who respects me.

A man who respects women like my husband for an example would never drive around the parking lot and drive up to me and roll his window down and tell me he just had to come over and tell me that I’m a very beautiful woman, for example. Things like that have happened. That is very intrusive to me. It is disrespectful to me. It feels a little stalk-ish to me and I tell him that. And I tell him it is disrespectful and inappropriate and please don’t ever do that again to a woman that he doesn’t know. Can you see that?

And I’m just kind of wrestling with all of that right now. And I want to make sure that it’s not because of that. We do not let men tell us what we can and what we can’t do. I’m going to continue growing my self-confidence and growing my self-concept and putting myself as a beautiful, bold, powerful woman out in the world. And I will never let any attention that feels uncomfortable to me, keep me from growing in that direction. I will never let it quiet me or make me smaller or change the way that I am knowing my truest self needs to be out in the world. So respect is the minimum.

And also the same thing has been happening to me out on social media on my Instagram page. I am getting noticed more. And along with that I get comments that feel uncomfortable to me on my Instagram page or Facebook page. I don’t really spend much time on Facebook because of that. I feel like I have more control on Instagram. And Instagram has been the way that I have grown my business. The bolder I am on Instagram, the more attention I get and the more followers I get.

Now, if someone comes and makes a critique, if it feels uncomfortable to me, if it doesn’t feel like they’re 100% for me then I immediately delete it and block them from my page. And I don’t give them a second chance to explain themselves to me because I am a juicy peach and I know I’ve told you this before and I know you’ve heard this before. I am only out there and interested in women who are drawn to who I am, and are attracted to who I am.

If I am a juicy peach I am drawing women to my business, women who want to reinvent themselves at 40 or 50 or 60 and are drawn to the way that I am living my life, bold and brave and powerful and unashamed of who I am. So I’m a big juicy peach. So I’m not here to convince people who don’t like peaches to like peaches. So I just keep saying and saying what I need to say, saying brave words and being who I am proudly on Instagram and drawing a lot of beautiful, brave women like yourself to me. That’s who I’m after.

I’m not into arguing about anything with anyone. If someone’s going to come onto my page and argue about what I’m saying. I’m not into it at all. And so I just don’t take any guff from anyone. I just block them from my page, I delete it from my page. I don’t even engage in it at all. Respect is the minimum requirement to get to be on my page, to get to listen to me, to get to be in my life at all, to have access to me at all. And I want you to adopt all of that for your own life. It’s a boundary issue.

Do not accept anything but respect, total respect from everybody in your life. So that is completely going to get you to a place of empowerment, self-empowerment where you are the one that you’ve always wanted. You are the one that you’ve always needed. You becoming the most powerful person in your own life is the best dreamiest life ever. No one is going to save you. No one is coming in your future to save you.

And I think if you’re in the second half of life that must resonate with you so much because maybe you’ve been quietly waiting for something outside of you to offer you what you want, you deserve it. And you do deserve it but you are the one and you are only one and you’ve always been the only one and I love knowing that. And I love offering you that today because that is the truth and that is powerful and that is so helpful and will give you the exact life you want, all the dreams you want.

So don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime. You guys, we’re in our prime today right now. And tomorrow I’m going to be even more in my prime. There will never be a day when I’m not in my prime. I’m always reinventing myself and growing and becoming and I want you to think like that and be like that because you deserve it. You’re amazing and beautiful and bold and so worthy of all the love, all the attention. And whatever it is that you’re dreaming of, you’re worthy of it just as you are right now.

All you need to do is know that and believe that and let that be what motivates you to put into action everything you need to do to create exactly what you want in your life. That’s what I do every single day. Is it always easy? Heck, no, you know it’s not always easy. But is it the most beautiful, bold, powerful life that I could ever even imagine? Yes, 100%. So the best news I can offer you today is that no one’s coming to save you so start saving yourself. Also that respect is the bare minimum. Also that you are in your prime. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re not in your prime, such powerful, amazing information.

You’re the one you’re waiting for so just be her, love her, give her everything that she needs to grow and become the highest version of herself and she will be ever grateful. And this is our future self. This is our beautiful future self so get really good at imagining who she is. She’ll keep cheering you on and keep reminding you that everything is possible for you and that your future is nothing but possibilities. Alright, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope that that was so encouraging, so inspiring, so motivating. Have the best week and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.