Ep 79. A Life of Good Habits

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 79: A Life of Good Habits.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. So you know how much I love good habits and I love talking about them. I love thinking about them. And I especially love having them, experiencing them, creating them for my life. So when I was thinking about this episode and I was thinking about you guys it occurred to me that I don’t have any bad habits. My life is nothing but good habits. Isn’t that something? Isn’t that incredible? I don’t think I even realized that until now. I literally have zero bad habits.

So what I want you to get out of these thoughts of mine and these practices of mine is I want you to evaluate your life. And I want you maybe to shift the way you think about good habits. You might have a mindset, you might have some thoughts, you might have some resistance even to good habits, even thinking about good habits maybe spiral you into shame because you might not be thinking of yourself in a way that is beneficial to you. And that positions you for creating good habits in your life.

You might not even think you have good habits because you’re not in the practice of realizing exactly what they are. So this is what I want you to do. I want you to write down all of your good habits, all of the things that you do regularly in your everyday life that you would consider good, that they have a positive result, your life has a positive result from you doing these certain things every single day. That’s what I would consider a good habit. I have a life filled with nothing but good habits. And I want you to be able to say the same thing.

And I think it’s easier than what you think it is right now. So I was writing down all my good habits which I have a lot of them. And at the same time I really don’t have a lot of them because my life is very spacious and my life is very intentional. And so I have a very good daily life because I have very good daily habits. So I do basically the same things most days in a row that I would consider are good habits because they’re actually moving the needle forward in my life because I have the habit of setting goals.

And so to have a goal, to have a dream for myself I have to be clear on what it is that I want. So I set a goal that feels a little bit even out of my reach for me. I set an end of the year goal at the beginning of every year. I start thinking about in November and December of the year to come. As I’m wrapping up one year I’m thinking of the next year’s goals and I think about them in such a way that I know that setting the goal is to my benefit. And that even if I don’t reach it, it’s to my benefit to have it clear in my mind and have some fun with it.

Use it for my good, use it so that I set myself up every day to feel good every day and to be productive every day and to be the kind of woman at 62 that I really want to be. So now I’m thinking about my 63 year old self. I’m thinking about my 70 year old self. And last year I was thinking about my 62 year old self. So I set specific mindset goals for last year. I set specific body goals for myself last year, health goals and relationship goals and business goals. And you know what I did? I reached them all because of my daily habits.

I just pack my days with daily habits and because I get coached every week and because my mindset is so important to me I make sure that I’m thinking useful thoughts that will create the energy, the feelings in me that I need to actually take action every day on the habits that will get me to my specific goal. So that’s how I’m always thinking and it’s really fun and beneficial and life-giving for me to think this way. This is how I want you to start evaluating and thinking about you.

My first good habit that I have that I created for myself literally in the last five years is that I’m extremely nice to myself every day all day long. I am never mean to myself. I am never mad at myself for anything really. I just give myself so much leeway and so much grace and so much compassion because I know how hard I try. I try really hard at what I really want. So I’m just like I am my own hype girl.

And I realized how important that habit was going to be to build in my life and how many benefits on the back end that were possible for me if I got to a place, the place I am today where I am literally my number one fan. I’m literally the one I think about the most. I am literally the most important person in my life. I’m literally the kindest person in my life, the most loving and generous, the most validating.

So this cleaned up all my people pleasing tendencies which was such a bad habit of mine. It just kept me stuck in a pattern of being very mean to myself and very anxious on a daily basis and actually lying to not only myself but lying to other people, people I love the most. I was trying so hard to not be an inconvenience to them. I was trying so hard to make sure they weren’t mad at me or bothered by me or that I was trying so hard to get their validation. I was trying hard for all the wrong reasons.

So I was using so much of my beautiful precious energy, my life energy for the wrong reasons. That was a bad habit. I do not have that habit anymore. I have a very good habit, daily habit of pleasing myself, of being generous to myself, of caring more about what I think than what anyone else thinks. And that has made me so much more valuable as a woman here on planet Earth. I put out so much more usefulness in the world because of it. So that’s a very good habit to be in, to practice.

And my coach said something, I was watching her in a group that I’m in with her this last week and I was witnessing her coach another group member. And this other client she’s really working on quitting people pleasing which I think most women in the second half of life are and because we’ve been so programmed to people please. That’s our job, that’s our duty here on Earth is just to make everyone else comfortable first, which you know how I feel about that if you’ve listened to me for very long. I think that’s nonsense and I don’t think it does anybody any good.

So she was wanting to make a change in her life. She’s done raising her kids and she wants to even possibly go to school to The Life Coach School and become a life coach but it does cost a lot of money. And she said, “I’m afraid to make any moves because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. I don’t want to inconvenience my husband, don’t want to inconvenience the job she has now, the boss she has now and just all the other people in her life.” And my coach asked her the question, “So what’s wrong with inconveniencing people?”

And I just thought that was the most brilliant question I had ever heard. So I want to ask you guys that. So what’s so wrong about inconveniencing people? If you’re a woman in the second half of life I promise you, no one’s worried about inconveniencing you because you’ve taken on that role your entire life. You are here you think and you’ve been programmed and socialized to believe that you are here to be inconvenienced, to make other people comfortable and make other people happy and meet all of their wants and needs and desires and put all of your wants and needs and desires last.

So you inconvenience you by doing that. So this is what I want to tell you to do. And this is what I told my clients this week. Your job this week is to start inconveniencing people. Go inconvenience other people and get comfortable doing that. It’s going to change everything for us. When we can just start tweaking and shifting our mind and get comfortable being uncomfortable, it is so uncomfortable for us to be honest with people and say, “No, I don’t want to do that.” Why is that so uncomfortable for us when anybody else would tell us that?

So I want to be and I am the kind of woman that I’m not worried about inconveniencing people ever again because most of the time it really isn’t a problem. We just have made it mean something, something so bad about us and we’re high maintenance or something. And I’m just like, “Yeah, I want to be high maintenance. I’m going to maintain myself.” You call it whatever you want. You can call it selfish. I don’t care. I’m going to make sure I get everything I want while I’m here on this Earth. And that I figure out what my dreams are and good habits are getting me there.

Good habits are so important. And remember, when you fill your life with good habits there is absolutely no room for bad habits. I don’t struggle with bad habits. And I want you to see how powerful that thought is, I don’t struggle with bad habits. I don’t consider anything that I do on a daily basis a bad habit. Okay, I [inaudible] my birthday last weekend, the best birthday weekend ever. So many of you sent me so many sweet emails through my website and on my Instagram. And I thank you so much for that. It’s so fun celebrating birthdays and I love celebrating mine.

And I made sure that I got everything I wanted. I planned it all and I loved every single second of it. That was all by choice. I chose every minute of all three days of my birthday weekend to completely be present. And I choose to have a good time. I totally choose to have a good time but my favorite dessert, you guys, we live three minutes away from a place called the Avila Barn and every day they make so many yummy desserts. They’re very famous for their homemade pies. They’re a farm so they grow all their fruit, their berries and their apples are my favorite ones right now and maybe it’ll change.

They just have an apple pie that is to die for and mostly I love the crust. I love the cinnamon gooey in it and I love the top crust and I love the bottom crust and I love to warm it up. And I love Trader Joe’s vanilla ice cream for some reason. That’s just my favorite ice cream right now. So I had decided ahead of time that’s what, I didn’t want cake. I didn’t want anything else. I just wanted an apple pie from the Avila Barn and I wanted it hot with ice cream. And so that’s what I had and I had it Friday night.

We were out of town on Saturday but I had it for dinner on Sunday, which was my birthday and I had already decided ahead of time. And then I had another piece and another scoop of ice cream on Monday. So I almost ate that whole pie by myself. Would I consider that bad at all? Heck no, absolutely not. Would I consider it a bad habit if I did it every single day? Yes, I would because it would affect me in a negative way, It would affect my body. It would affect my mood. It would affect everything. So of course I wouldn’t do it every day.

But I’m in the habit of choosing my habits on purpose and choosing my treats on purpose and planning what I’m going to do the day before. So nothing really is random for me and that’s a very good habit. And I told you that at the beginning of this year, a really powerful good habit along with being your own hype girl every day and stop being mean to yourself and being super over the top generous and kind and loving and fun to yourself is to write down everything you’re going to eat and drink. Everything that you’re going to plan for the next day you write it down today.

And then when you get up the next morning it’s all there. You don’t have to make any decisions because you made all your decisions the day ahead of time. Because the reason we do this is because in the moment our brain is going to want to talk us out of the things we really want like to get up and exercise, to eat healthy foods during the day, to not drink alcohol if that’s what our plan is. Our brain will want to say yes to all of those things and put it off till tomorrow.

But when we get into the habit of planning our day one day ahead of time, writing it down and we’re in the habit of following that schedule verbatim and not getting distracted with anything that’s not on the schedule. That’s a really good habit to get into. And you know what, the more you do it, you guys, the easier it’s going to get. You’re automatically just going to have a life, a daily life filled with nothing but good habits like me. It is so, so, so possible. This is what I want you to know for sure.

If you hear someone tell you that that’s not possible I want you to say to yourself, well, that’s a lie because I know someone who actually lives like this, who trained herself to be like this and that would be me. This is why I’m sharing this with you because good habits create such a good life. And then once your life is full of good habits and you have a good life you absolutely don’t have any bad habits anymore. So that frees up so much energy for you to just relax and enjoy your life exactly how it is. Can you see that?

You’re not spending any of your energy mad at yourself or regretting anything. I just don’t spend any time regretting anything because I’m just so in tune with what I’m doing right now. And what I’m doing right now is a really good habit. And it’s leading me where I want to go. So that’s why my goal is there because I am aligning these particular habits that I’ve created for myself every single day. It’s inevitable that I’m going to reach my goals because of the way that I’m living my daily life. So that’s what I want you to know too.

And specifically I want you to know so not beating yourself up, being super generous and kind with yourself is a number one habit, writing everything down the day before is a number one habit. And also going to bed at the same time every night and getting up at the same time every morning. I cannot emphasize that enough. It has so many backend benefits to that. And so you know I go to bed at seven o’clock every night. I know that sounds crazy to you.

The time changes this weekend but I probably will stay up a little bit later. I’ll probably stay up till eight o’clock. I kind of remember that I started doing that in the spring and summer when the days got longer because it’s hard to go to bed. I prefer to not go to bed if it’s not dark. But to be honest with you I love the other time change more. I like to get in my pajamas early. I love to put my fire on at five o’clock. I like to lay on my couch early and watch TV. And that’s another thing, I watch TV almost every single night. I call it night but it’s four or five o’clock on.

I would never consider that a bad habit for me. I love that habit. It is the most relaxing habit for me. I don’t know if I’ll do it forever. It doesn’t matter to me if I do or I don’t but I have found so many great shows that I absolutely am obsessed with. And I’m so relaxed and wound down. I will not watch negative shows. I don’t watch anything that has any trauma in it.

In fact because and I know I’ve told you about Ted Lasso before, if you’re not a Ted Lasso fan. I think it’s on Apple TV. We get it through a different app. But Ted Lasso has their third season coming out this coming week and I just cannot wait. I’m so excited about it. So I started yesterday, I started back at season one episode one and I’m just going to binge watch the first two seasons because Ted Lasso makes me so happy. And it’s just such a fun thing for me to look forward to because I’m so productive during the day.

And so obviously it’s the way that I’m thinking about it. Some people will go, “Oh my gosh, she watches too much TV, that’s a terrible habit. She should be reading or she should be doing something else instead.” I’m like, “Okay, you get to think that.” But I promise you, I love it and it’s by choice and I think it’s the best habit, I love it so much. I love all my habits. So this is definitely intentional and I’m okay with that. I’m more than okay with that. So do you see how I’m thinking about it? Do you see how I’m thinking about things?

So let me finish with the way that I sleep. So most women in their 60s and even in their 40s, 50s, 60s, because of when we have our hormone shift, it changes the way we sleep. So to be able to figure out your sleep is so important and so beneficial to you in every other area of your life. So I have figured out my sleep. So I don’t drink very much alcohol. I don’t ever drink. I would say more than three glasses of anything per week and very rare that I would have more than one glass of wine or one cocktail on a weekend night. I usually only have one.

So back when I was drinking a lot more than that I had a hard time sleeping and it was because of the alcohol because the backend of overdrinking alcohol. I would consider overdrinking alcohol a very bad habit because it affects us so negatively. I don’t think there’s one positive backend to overdrinking alcohol. I love my relationship with alcohol and I know I’ve told you this before. And the only reason I’m telling you this is because I want to encourage you, that I’m not at all judging you or criticizing you.

I totally understand whatever you’re choosing but I just want you to know that if you want to sleep better, if you cut back on your alcohol you will sleep better for sure. Another absolute reason I sleep so well is because I go to bed at seven o’clock every night and I get up at four o’clock every morning. So the rhythm, my sleep rhythm is totally in sync. My body’s so used to it. And I just sleep so well. Also another reason I sleep so well is because I exercise every morning.

And I don’t worry because of getting coached every week and self-coaching every week and because of all the growth that I’ve made in my mental and emotional health. I just don’t worry. I do not wake up worried at night and I don’t go to bed worried. I go right to sleep. I take melatonin every night and I go right to sleep at seven o’clock. And I have a very cool, comfortable room. My bed’s warm but my bedroom is very, very cool, which gives me a better night’s sleep.

Also I have my own bedroom. So I didn’t sleep well when I was sleeping with Jeff. And so I just got my own bedroom and I have my own bed. And I have all my own space. And so I sleep really well. So there are so many benefits of getting a good night’s sleep and setting yourself up with your habits, your daily habits to get a good night’s sleep. Also the backend of getting a good night’s sleep every night and for me especially because I do wake up at four o’clock every morning. I always feel ahead. I never in my days, I never feel like I’m behind. Can you see that?

I feel like I start before everybody else does. And I get all my work done first in the mornings and then I just feel like I’m ahead so what that does is eliminates overwhelm for me. I can’t even remember the last time I felt overwhelmed. I mean I’m sure it comes up every once in a while but definitely not as a habit. It would be a rare occasion if I felt overwhelmed or if I felt behind. But listen to me, I know your brain loves to offer us overwhelm and the thought that I’m behind often. And I just have eliminated those thoughts from my mind.

And don’t feel overwhelmed, I don’t feel behind because I’m in the habit of getting up so early from a very good night’s sleep. My brain is very well rested. It’s so clear in the mornings, it’s on fire and bubbly and excited about all kinds of new thoughts and new ideas. It’s very optimistic and positive in the mornings. So that’s when I get everything done. So it’s eliminated my rush, my anxiety, my hurry, my I’m behind on a daily basis. I just never feel rushed. I never feel like I’m in a hurry. I never feel like I’m behind. I always feel like I’m ahead and that’s incredible.

That’s an incredible habit to build into your life. So I’m going to just stop right there and I’ll keep talking about the benefits of good habits and I know I’ve given you enough to think about. And it’s probably different than what you thought I was going to offer you because I could talk about so many other things, my other really good habits. But I want you to know you can create a life that you absolutely love, where you have absolutely no bad habits. I just want you to know you can do that, you just fill it with good habits.

And everything that you do on a daily basis is good and it’s getting you where you want to go. That’s part of the mindset, it’s part of the story you’re telling about your life. So I really do want you to notice what they are, what you would consider good habits and what you would consider bad habits. And I want you to tell the reason why, why you think these are good habits and why you think those are bad habits. This is going to be super helpful for you to start reaching your goals and to start creating a life you love and to eliminate bad habits from your life and have a life of good habits.

Alright, so that’s what I have for you this week. I love this topic. I could talk about it all day long. If you want to create a life you love, a life filled with nothing but good habits I want you to join my March group, it starts March 22nd which is right around the corner. It’s on Wednesdays at 11 o’clock for one hour every week. I will contact you right away. I want you to go to my website kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for the package, pay the money. I will contact you right away.

We’ll get on a one to one private coaching session. We’ll get to know each other. We’ll set your goals. We’ll talk about everything that you’re thinking about. I’ll help you eliminate some bad habits from your life and create only good habits. And you will get my workbook in the mail right away which is extremely helpful for you and beautiful and useful for you.

And you are going to be invited to my three day retreat in Avila Beach, California on May 4th, 5th and 6th. It will be life changing. You’re going to be with amazing incredible women whom we’re all basically working on the same things. You will leave feeling nothing but encouraged and inspired and motivated, loved and supported, your life will not be the same.

Okay, alright, I love you all so much. Have an incredible week filled with good habits, filled with self-love and know that whatever you’re working on you are so worth it and your future self will thank you. It’s all worth it and it’s part of creating a life that you can’t wait to get up every single morning to live. Alright, okay, I’ll talk to you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.