Ep 77. Thriving at 62 Years Old

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 77: Thriving at 62 Years Old.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast and happy birthday to me. It’s my birthday, Sunday March 5th and I am turning 62 amazing years old. I have been on this planet living a life for 62 whole years. I’m so proud of myself. I mean what an accomplishment. I can’t believe it. I don’t feel 62. I remember when I was in my 30s or even in my 20s and I really thought 62 was so old, I really did. I thought, well, if you passed away at 62 at least you’ve had a really nice long life. Well, I can tell you right now, I’m nowhere near feeling old.

I definitely do not feel old. That’s the amazing part of this. I am just in awe and wonder of this journey and this life that I feel like I’m thriving in every single day. I never feel like I’m just surviving it or just getting through it. I always feel I’m thriving and I say that completely without even hesitation. And it just really keeps getting better. And I know it’s because of my mindset. I know it’s because of my perspective and the way that I think about things. But I want to say, the way that I choose to think about things every single day.

My days are full of choices and I’m always choosing something that feels useful to me on my journey in this thriving life, in this life that I can’t wait to get up every single morning to get started on. Isn’t that pretty incredible? I don’t know anyone else like me to be honest with you. And I love being me. And I am so proud of my clients because they get up and they are trying, they are working hard at changing their mindset and I’m an example for them. And I love them so much for their effort and for the way that they come to their life open and willing to learn.

I think that’s the key. So to live a life we love we have to know that we’re forever students of life. That life is here to teach us, that our feelings are here to teach us. I’m really proud of myself for so many things and I’m going to tell you about a lot of them today because I really want you to know you can be proud of yourself for so many things too. It’s just a practice that is very useful for you because when we get good at being proud of our own selves we are not giving our power away looking for validation from outside of ourselves.

Our husband’s don’t have to be proud of us. Our kids don’t have to be proud of us. Our parents don’t have to be proud of us. Our friends don’t even have to be proud of us. We get to be proud of ourselves. When we start practicing that, it changes everything. It changes the way that we show up, the feelings that we show up with, the energy that drives us in our everyday life. Our everyday life becomes magical when we know how to create feelings that are energetic and when we create thoughts in our head where we’re super proud of who we are.

Instead of letting our brain run the show which we never want to do but if we don’t know this work our brain is running the show. And our brain is not proud of us. Our brain for some reason tries to discourage us with all the ways that we’re not doing things right and all the ways that we’ve messed up in the past, how we messed up our kids. How we haven’t been a good wife, how we’re not a good daughter, how our friends are disappointed in us, how we don’t fit in.

Our brain just will always try and bring up situations or circumstances, bringing to mind all the ways that we are a disappointment. Or if it’s not shaming us, if our brain isn’t shaming us for how we’re a disappointment then it turns to blaming others for how they have disappointed us. It’s a useless loop in our brain so that’s why this mindset work is critical especially in the second half of life because we get to this place in our 40s or 50s and we realize, oh my gosh, everything we thought about life doesn’t even feel true anymore so now what?

And we have these stories in our head that don’t feel good to us and that are not going to get us where we want to go. Our stories actually keep us stuck getting the same results, feeling terrible week after week, month after month, year after year. We want to change but we’re still believing the stories in our head, the old stories that are not even true. And even if they are true it doesn’t even really matter, you guys, moving forward. We can just drop anything. We can drop any story that’s true or not true if it’s not useful for us to create a life that we’re absolutely thriving in, in the second half of life.

It all starts in our mind and every single day I practice my mindset, I do. I love feeling good every single day. And when circumstances come, sometimes circumstances happen and I’m surprised by maybe I feel hurt. I feel disappointed. I feel discouraged. I feel anxious. I feel mad. All of these kinds of normal negative feelings, the difference between me now when I feel those feelings and my 50 year old self, 10/12 years ago is that I used to think that when I felt anxious that something was wrong with me.

Or if I felt disappointed and angry that I shouldn’t feel those feelings. Or if I felt discouraged that I shouldn’t be feeling discouraged, I should be feeling encouraged. But you know what I know now is when I feel any of those feelings I know I’m supposed to be feeling those feelings and I know how to feel them and it just isn’t a problem for me. I have become so emotionally resilient. I am so proud of me, probably most proud of me that I have become an emotionally resilient 62 year old woman. I just am, I don’t react to any emotions anymore.

I just let them be here and I get curious about them and I know how to process them, I even welcome them. My coach coached me last week, I was feeling sad and disappointed and all the feelings I was supposed to be feeling last week. And she coached on all of it. I spent the first half of the coaching session crying and we just processed all my emotions and it was so powerful and so beautiful and I loved it so much and it just makes me a better coach.

And I’m always telling all my clients in all of my group containers all of my secrets as far as everything going on in my life because I want them to know I am just like them. I am just like you. And the more vulnerable I am the more vulnerable my clients can be in this container and I just love that. I love creating a safe space where we all get to grow and evolve and thrive. And there is just not a better feeling than that. Coaching changes everything.

I’m so proud of myself for having a coach, for investing in myself, for doing a bunch of scary things and for getting to a place at 62 years old where I literally feel like I’m just taking off. You guys, I can zoom out from my life, I can see kind of the big picture of my life. It’s a practice that I do often and I get so excited about the next five years. I get so excited about the next 10 years because I really do feel like I’m just getting started on everything that’s possible for me. And you know how incredible my life is now.

I’m just like, “Just sit back and watch.” Holy cow, I am literally just getting started. And it is so exciting and it’s because I come with this energy of I’m thriving, I’m not just surviving. And it’s because I choose thoughts that are useful for me every day. And it’s because I don’t get anxious about any anxiety. I don’t fear my fear. I’m just not afraid to be scared. I’m proud of myself for feeling scared because whenever fear comes up it’s supposed to be there because I’m a human with a brain.

And I know I have a little glimpse of how my brain works on a daily basis and I am just in charge of it. I am the boss of it. And I want you to learn these same tools. I want you to learn these skills that I teach. I teach them every day and they work. I’m an example of all the tools that I teach. I’m just an example of this life that I’m selling to my clients, to all of you. Everything that I believe in I practice. I’m not just selling you something that I don’t buy 100% and it is not tried and true in my own life. It truly is, it’s so exciting and so fun.

And I really truly am so proud of myself at 62 for all the progress that I have made, for the woman that I am today, for the way that I treat people, especially for the way that I treat myself on a daily basis. I am so kind to myself. I am so generous to myself. Women in my generation, we were taught to not be kind to ourselves but to be kind to everybody else. We were taught to play small and make everybody else way more important but that doesn’t serve anyone when we play small.

If I played small and I didn’t brag about myself often it wouldn’t do any of you any good. You wouldn’t even know me. I would not have this podcast. I would not have all the clients that I have. I would not be throwing this amazing retreat that I’m so excited about. I would be hiding. I would be playing small. I would probably be drinking wine every night or cocktails every night. I would be stuck in the same cycle that I was stuck in 10 years ago and I would probably be in a different situation right now. I probably wouldn’t be living with an ocean view.

I probably wouldn’t have a coaching business but because I take chances on myself, because I never want to feel stuck, because I literally know that more is possible. There’s always a yearning in me and I believe it’s supposed to be there. And if there is a yearning in you it’s supposed to be there, listen to it. You were made for so much more than what you’re accepting right now. Maybe you’re stuck in a marriage that you’re miserable in. Maybe you don’t have a good relationship with your grown kids.

Maybe you feel like you don’t have any friends and you want more friends. Maybe you don’t have a peaceful relationship with your mom or with your dad. Maybe you just feel so terrible about you. This is why you need coaching. If there is a yearning in you that you know there is more for you, you just don’t like who you’re being, you don’t like the way you feel about yourself, the way that you think about yourself, the way that you show up every day. You don’t like the results that you’re getting on a daily basis.

I’m not saying everything happens overnight but the time’s going to pass anyway. All of a sudden you’re going to be 62. All of a sudden, you guys, you’re going to wake up and you’re going to be 62 years old like me. And I want you to wake up at 62 and honestly with everything in you, you say, “I am thriving. I didn’t even know this was possible for me but I’m so glad I said yes to coaching five years ago or two years ago or 10 years ago”, whenever you’re listening to this. I said yes and I’m just all in on me for the rest of my life, however long it takes.

I’ve had my coach for over three years. I just keep paying money and I’ve told you, that’s my favorite money to pay anyone. I love paying my coach because I believe in it so much and I have the results to prove it true. And I want you to be able to experience these same feelings and the same way of thinking about life in yourself that I do. They’re going to have a different flavor of course because we’re all so different. We have a different filter. We have different thoughts. We have different wants. My dreams may not be your dreams but I know we all want to be happy.

I know we all want to feel like we’re in control of our own life. I’m 100% in control of my own life because I stay in my own lane. I don’t think anyone else is doing it wrong. I don’t even pay that much attention to anyone else anymore. I’m just thinking about what’s in my realm of control. And then I’m just working at that every day. And look at me, I’m thriving because of it. So I can teach you how to do the same thing, how to really truly have boundaries in your brain, your husband, your kids, your friends, your parents, your siblings.

Whoever it is that seems to take up so much space in your brain I can show you how to just keep making that space smaller and smaller and then widening up and freeing you up to create a life that you love. And you get out of their lanes. You get out of trying to fix them or help them or explain to them or any of that. They’re supposed to figure that out on their own. They don’t need you anymore I promise you. And the more you’re distracted by taking on whatever their complaints are, whatever their problems are, this is what we do.

It’s so fascinating to me because of the way women are socialized and especially women in their 60s like me. We’re socialized which means we’re brought up, our brain is trained so beautifully to think we’re responsible for everybody. That’s so ridiculous. We are not. We’re responsible for us. I’m responsible for myself. You’re responsible for you, that’s it especially after you’ve raised your kids, holy cow. Once they’re adults, even once they’re 16 you just pretty much stay out of their business, let them figure it out.

And while they’re still living under your roof, let them make all their mistakes they need to make. And then you get to work on your own life. You be the one responsible for you and stop blaming anything outside of you and stop shaming yourself. There is no blame or shame required ever. We get to take ownership and responsibility of all of our life without taking ownership or responsibility for other people’s lives. We just are not responsible for them, I promise you 100% we are not.

So help yourself first, you get your mindset straight first. You take care of managing your emotions first. Stop reacting to things and start intentionally responding. Know that your brain is creating your emotions and all the emotions are valid. All your emotions are valid. You don’t ever have to react to any of them. You can welcome them. You can expect them. You can feel them as long as they need to be felt, you can process them and then you can move on. Emotions are beautiful and the more I practice this the more I am willing to feel.

I am obviously very good at feeling positive emotions. I was never good at feeling negative emotions but now I’m really good at feeling negative emotions and the better I get at feeling negative emotions you guys, honestly, the less negative emotions seem to pop up. And I just never react to them. I just allow them, they’re not a problem for me. They’re almost just a beautiful experience for me because I feel very alive when I’m feeling. I don’t avoid them. I definitely don’t numb them with food or alcohol, you know that about me.

I have very good habits. I have very good self-control and self-discipline. I plan everything that I eat and drink ahead of time. So if I’m feeling a negative emotion I’m not going to eat anything to numb it. I’m not going to drink anything to numb it. I’m not going to get mad at anybody to numb it. I’m not going to push it aside like it’s not there. I’m going to head towards it. I’m going to lean into it and I’m going to feel it. That creates a life that I love because I’m not afraid of disappointment. I’m disappointed with disappointment. I’m not anxious about anxiety.

I’m not afraid of fear. I can be mad, in fact I kind of enjoy being mad. Mad kind of feels powerful to me. Does anyone else have to know I’m mad? Not necessarily. But I kind of like the feeling sometimes of being mad because I know there’s a good reason I’m mad. So I pay attention to myself. I don’t discount it and I don’t make myself wrong for it. I actually make myself right for it. I’m supposed to be feeling all of it. And I want you to know this about yourself too.

Stop judging yourself for your negative emotions or even when you screw up, even if you do yell at someone or even if you act in a way that you’re not proud of. Be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself, it’s okay. This is just awareness, okay, I wonder why I did that. Get curious about it. Honestly, that’s where coaching comes in. That’s where having a coach that you love and trust and that you can email and just say, “I’m really struggling with this. Can you jump on a call with me?” And the coach is like, “Heck, yeah, let’s do it. Let me help you. Let’s see what’s going on in your head.

Let me help you feel your feelings and not make yourself wrong for any of it so that next time you can do better because when we know better we do better and it’s just this journey that we’re on. I’m on my own journey. You’re on your own journey. And the beauty of it is when we learn to just fall madly in love with ourselves on this journey, when we learn to trust ourselves wholeheartedly, I literally don’t have to trust anybody outside of me because I trust myself so much. It’s such a powerful way to live.

I love the way that I treat myself and I love the way I treat others. And I love knowing that I am emotionally so strong and so flexible at the same time. And that really is one of the reasons that I am thriving in my life at 62. I’m not driven and tossed by every storm and wind that comes around. I’m just pretty steady every day, everyone kind of knows what they’re going to get. I’m just generally very happy in my life. And it’s not a fleeting happiness. It’s a steady happiness that I choose every single day. I choose to thrive. I choose to think useful thoughts for myself and I trust myself.

And I love being wrong. I do not mind being wrong. I am just like, “Tell me all the ways I’m wrong and let’s just talk about it.” I don’t have to be defensive. I want you to know, someone said this a long time ago, I know it’s a famous quote, ‘Defense is the first act of war.’ Defense, when we’re on defense, when we feel defensive, when we get defensive, when we push back, when someone’s trying to tell us something to have connection. And we get defensive like, “I haven’t done anything wrong, you’re the one wrong.” That’s the first act of war.

So I like to come from a place of love, yeah, I probably am wrong, tell me all the ways. But you know what that is? That’s a very confident human, that’s a confident woman at 62 to be able to not be defensive like I did it wrong and I’m so sorry, how can I help, how can I make it up to you? That feels like I’m going to show love to me. That feels like a woman who knows who she is. I’m not shaming myself for being wrong or for making mistakes, heavens no.

Any mistakes I’ve ever made and any mistakes I’m going to make today or tomorrow or in my future I totally will be okay with them. I’m not trying to make mistakes but I know I will. And I’m not going to be defensive about them. It’s just, yeah, I screwed up, I’m so sorry, I’ll do better next time. That feels like a woman who has a very strong high self-concept. That’s what we’re all after. That’s what you’re after. That’s what I am after in the second half of life. It is the best half of life.

It is so possible for you to be thriving in the second half of life, wherever you are, if you’re in your 40s, if you’re still raising kids you’re just getting started on this amazing mindset journey where you are going to be allowed, you are going to be encouraged, you are going to set yourself free to love yourself exactly the way you are. That’s freedom. That’s a life you can’t wait to get up in the morning and live, where you’re not feeling ashamed of yourself ever again.

Shame just loves to hide in the dark with all the secrets but I’m just like, bust out of the dark, lay them all out on the table. And that’s what coaching does, coaching helps you lay it all out on the table so that I can show you that you are not wrong for any of this. You can let it all go. And where do you want to go from here? Let’s just start today and move forward and let’s reinvent your life. Let’s reinvent the stories you tell about yourself and about the people you love. And let’s reinvent the way that you move towards all of your feelings.

You set yourself free to feel all of your feelings and you don’t judge yourself for them. And you actually create, maybe you decide to switch careers or start a business or write a book or whatever it is you’re dreaming of, that dream is in you for a reason. All my dreams are in me for a reason and I’m just getting started on them.

And you guys can sit back and watch me or you can contact me and say, “I am all in, I want to come with you, take me with you. I want to change too. I want to reinvent myself too. I want to wake up when I’m 62 and say about my life the same thing you’re saying about your life.” I want to love everything about my life. I don’t want to be afraid of fear. I don’t want to be anxious about my anxiety. I don’t want to be disappointed with my disappointment. I just want to be all in and feel so alive and feel like I am thriving every single day in my life no matter what my circumstances are.

That’s a life that we’re in charge of. We’re the boss of our life and that’s how it’s supposed to be, that’s fun. Doesn’t that sound exciting?

Okay, well, that’s what I have for you this week. I want to remind you that my March group starts March 22nd. It will be on Wednesdays at 11 o’clock Pacific time, California time every Wednesday at 11 o’clock for one hour for six months. And we’re going to get to work changing your life. I have a beautiful workbook, that workbook alone, if you even just open it up once or twice a week it shifts your brain enough to really give you some traction in your life.

So not only are you going to get coached every week, you’ll get my workbook but you get to come to my two – now I’m calling it my kind of three day retreat. I live in Shell Beach, California, and I know I told you last week that it’s going to be in Shell Beach, which it kind of is but it’s actually going to be in Avila Beach at a beautiful hotel called Lighthouse Suites. I’m going to stay there for three nights along with all of you, all of my clients that are coming, hopefully all my clients will be there.

And I would love for you to join my March group so you can be at my three day retreat as well and get your spot at the hotel. The hotel rooms are going really fast. So don’t hesitate if you’re pondering and you’re thinking about it, stop thinking about it, just impulsively right now I encourage you to say yes, jump all in. Go to my website kymshowerslifecoach.com. Hit the button that says, Work With Me, hit the picture of me that says Join My Next Group. That’s the only offer I have right now. You will join my March group and you will be invited to my retreat in Avila Beach, California. That’s going to be right on the beach.

We’re going to have the very best three days that we’ve ever had. It will feel so fun, so intimate, so healing and you will go home a changed woman, I guarantee it, I promise you that, it will be life changing. I will be having these retreats every six months and this is the very first one. So come be on the maiden voyage of the Kym Showers life coach and I’m calling it the dream big retreat. It’s going to be just a beautiful experience together.

Alright, I love you so much. It is pouring down rain over here. I know my editing team of this podcast are not going to be happy with the sound because it’s literally pouring down rain here. It is so beautiful. The ocean’s just angry this morning, tons of big white waves, everything’s gray, but I love it so much. So have the best week. Happy birthday to me. You can send me happy birthday wishes via my Instagram or my website. And I will love that. Send me all the love you’ve got and I will just have the best week. Just know I am celebrating me all week long, all month long forever.

I give myself every single thing that I need. I don’t expect it from anyone else and so I am just having a good time, I’m telling you. Okay, 62 is looking very, very fabulous. I know without a doubt it’s going to be the very best year of my life, I can say that honestly. Alright, have the best week, I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.