Ep 55. Envy and Jealousy

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, Episode number 55: Envy and Jealousy.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show. So, I want to talk to you about envy and jealousy this morning. Envy and jealousy are two feelings that we create with our thinking.

This is really good to know. It’s something that we create; I create with my brain. It’s nothing that anyone outside of me is doing, or saying, or the way they’re living; has nothing to do with them. It’s always me creating these feelings that are not useful for me.

But maybe they are, this is what I was thinking this morning that I want to share with you. Since I have been doing this thought work, I have a different idea of envy and jealousy. For me, I have found a way to use these feelings for my benefit. To me, they’re not negative feelings anymore, because I’ve shifted the way that I feel about myself.

Like, when I see people having things in their life, like living in such a way that I feel envious of or jealous of them, for me, that’s a positive thing. Which is kind of crazy, right? So, the way that I think about it now, compared to the way that I used to experience it, and the way that I experience it now, it’s like it’s flip-flopped.

And I want you to know that you can do the same thing, okay? Envy and jealousy do not have to be a negative experience for you. It can actually be a motivator; it can actually be kind of a joyful experience for you. And this is how: So, when you are wanting something that someone else has, and it feels graspy and it feels icky inside of you, it’s because you think, your brain thinks that you can’t have it, too.

That somehow, you’re less than. That your life isn’t as good as, okay. So, that kind of falls into this scarcity mindset camp, right? Where there’s just not enough for all of us to have everything good in our life, right? That there’s not enough for all of us. Like, there’s a pie, and if I get a big piece of the pie, then there won’t be enough pie for you. That’s when jealousy and envy feel icky.

And sometimes you get stuck in it for years, and it becomes a way of life. And, I can help you out of it. So, the way that I think about, and the way that I experienced jealousy and envy now, feels so abundant to me. Because I keep my eye on a lot of amazing people, who have created a lot of amazing experiences for themselves in their life, right? And I tell them, “I am so envious, right now. I’m so jealous of you, right now.” Right?

And I mean it in the most loving, generous way. Because what you’re doing with your life, I’m so envious and jealous of. Because I love it, because I see what’s possible for all of us when you are doing the thing that you really want to do.

Okay, so it’s such a shift in energy, right? It’s not like, I am jealous and envious of you, and I’m mad at you, and I’m resentful of you. And you know, like, I think you think you’re better than me. Or, I’m in competition with you, right?

So, that’s another thing. Like, we feel so competitive with each other, in a scarcity kind of way, instead of like, pushing each other on and cheering each other on. And like, thank you for doing this. Thank you for winning this. Now I know, it’s possible for me too, if I want it, right.

So, envy and jealousy doesn’t have to be negative, I just want you to know that today. It can be a very useful, positive, motivating experience for you, like it is for me. And honestly, you guys, it’s because of this mindset work that I’ve been doing. It’s because of the way that I think and feel about myself. And the way I think and feel about the world that I’m living in, right. And all the people that I choose to surround myself with, right?

So, I have friends that have been friends for a long time, who have been doing amazing things. And they inspire me, and I’m envious and jealous of the things that they’re creating in their life. And also, I’m like, so dang proud of them. And I’m like; it’s not better than what I’m doing. It’s like, look at all of us doing these amazing things in the second half of life.

And we’re like, the example of what’s possible, right? We’re doing it. And the more that they push themselves, it just like spurs me on to push myself, and that’s my favorite kind of life. Right? So, if I mentioned to them, “Oh, my gosh, tell me everything. I love hearing like what everyone’s doing. Tell me everything, tell me all the good stuff in your life.”

They do not hold back because they trust me. They know I am like madly in love with them. And, I’m madly in love with myself. Like, what they’re doing and what they’re creating in their life doesn’t make me feel less than. I would never feel less than, because I know that’s my job, to keep myself well-loved and taken care of. It’s not their job, right.

So, sometimes I know it’s a tendency for us women to make ourselves smaller around people who feel jealous and envious of us. We hold back because we don’t want to make them feel bad. And we know that maybe they will feel bad, if they hear all the good things that we’re creating in our life, right? So, I don’t hold back. This is why I’m always telling you every single thing I’m doing, and everything that I love about my life.

And because it really does kind of sort out the people in my life. Like, if they’re not cheering me on and they’re feeling jealous and envious, and like, they feel less than; they don’t want to hear the good things that are going on in my life. And, they can’t tell me the good things in their life. They don’t even realize the good things in their life. And, that’s okay.

Like, that’s their job. That’s not my job. My job is not to make myself smaller to make people feel comfortable. And neither is it your job to make yourself smaller, so I feel comfortable. The bigger you are, the more comfortable I am. That’s the genius of self-love. That’s the work of self-love. Right? When one boat rises, all boats rise.

So, jealousy and envy, in the best possible energy, in the best possible way of like, generosity, and abundance, and love; the greatest feeling in the world. We literally spur each other on, when my friends are doing amazing things in the world and building beautiful homes, driving amazing cars, and going on amazing trips, I’m just like, I love this so much.

And, I’m so envious and so jealous. And knowing that I can create that too if that’s what I want. I don’t have to, but that’s like one of the possibilities. Like, that’s like an option for me in the buffet of life. Like, show us what’s possible. Get out there and do big things. Do every single thing you want. Do not make yourself small and don’t be afraid of jealousy and envy.

That isn’t your job. Turn it around and make jealousy and envy a positive feeling in your life, like I have; I love it. And it comes from this abundant mindset that I have every single day. I’m like, please show me what you’re doing. Please tell me what you’re doing. I need to know; I love it. And I am so happy for you, like, genuinely happy for you, right?

I’m not in competition with you. You do not make me feel less than by telling me the beautiful things going on in your life. Okay, that’s why I always tell you the beautiful things going on in my life. Because I hold you in the highest esteem. I see you as your highest self, as your best self.

So, I want you to do the same thing. Okay, I want you to see yourself as your highest self, who can handle everybody else’s wins, because you know that you’re winning as well. Their winning just propels you on to win even more, to buckle down and decide really, truly what you want in your life, and then do the work to go get it. Okay. All righty.

Nice, sweet, powerful short episode for you today. Actually, it’s early morning, I’m actually hitting the road. I have an appointment in Bakersville this morning. So, I have to be there at nine o’clock. So, I wanted to get this episode recorded and out for you this morning.

And jealousy and envy were on my mind, and I just thought; I think you guys need to hear the way that I think about it. Because the way that I think about it is usually a little unique, compared to the way that most people think about it. And I’m always like, let’s just use it for good, right? Let’s just think about things differently. And know, like, all thoughts are optional.

Another thing I’m going to tell you, is my clients had so many breakthroughs this week. And one of them was the thought that I offered them; that all thoughts are optional, even if they’re true. Okay, so you get to think about things, you get to think thoughts on purpose, that are useful for you.

And even if a true thought isn’t useful for you, you never have to think it again. Think thoughts that are useful for you, okay. And, like, let this idea of jealousy and envy as a positive thing, like wrestle with that a little bit. Let it loosen up some ideas in your brain, and see if you can’t like adopt it and own it. And like, be the witness of when you’re feeling jealous and envy.

And notice if it feels heavy, and bad, and graspy, and scarce, because you can’t have what everyone else has. Notice that and challenge that. I promise you, there’s enough, there’s more than enough of whatever you’re wanting for all of us.

So really, the people that you have your eye on, that you feel, even if it’s a close friend, if you feel jealous of her, know that you can have it, too; be happy for her and be happy for you. First of all, take stock of all the goodness in your life. Get used to celebrating what you have. And then, realize that that’s more than enough for you.

But if you want more, which I always want more, you can have it, too. Okay, just go get it, figure it out, however long it takes, go get it. We’re here for more. Right? We’re gonna wring out this life, and get every last drop of that. We just got to show up for ourselves, and own the entire experience, and then go get what we want. Okay.

Life offers more, more, more, than we could ever imagine. It’s available to you and it’s available to me every single day. And that, my friends, is the best news ever.

Alrighty, I love you so much. Please share this episode with anyone that you know would benefit from it. Anyone that’s kind of wrangling with jealousy and envy, little stuck in it. I can help you. Right? A little shift in your thinking starts you down a whole different path. And that is really a fun life.

Alrighty, have the best week and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com