Ep 44. How to Make Decisions

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 44: How to Make Decisions.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey there everyone. How are you at making decisions? Do you struggle? Are you confident? Do you hesitate? Are you a quick decision maker or does the thought of making decisions make you anxious? Do you feel like you spend a lot of time stuck in indecision? If so you’re not alone. And this episode is for you. Decision making can become a super power for you. I know it is for me because I don’t even think about it anymore. I am so good at making decisions. I never feel stuck because I’ve come out of people pleasing and I’ve come out of being a codependent.

I never ask for anyone else’s opinion. I’m not concerned about what anyone else might be thinking. I have my goals. I have what I’m thinking about every day curated, and planned, and on purpose. And then all my decisions come super easily for me. So, decision making has become my super power. And it is the reason that I always reach my goals. They all perfectly fit hand in hand. So, the better you get in one certain area of your life then the better decision maker you will become.

So, there are a number of reasons that we feel anxious when it comes to making a decision, big decisions, little decisions. So, anxiety comes from our brain. And if you’re afraid that you will make a wrong decision. If you think you can make the wrong decision then you’re going to have a hard time making a decision. That’s one of the reasons you’re not a good decision maker. If you’re afraid that you’ll be judged or criticized by someone you’re probably not a good decision maker. You probably spend a lot of time in indecision.

If you don’t know what you want, if you don’t know who you are and what you want you probably spend a lot of time in indecision. If you think choosing what you want is wrong in some way, if you feel guilty for choosing something that you want, you probably have a hard time making decisions. If you don’t think you’re worthy of what you want you probably spend a lot of time spinning in confusion, and in overwhelm, and those feelings become your default and become your excuse for not making a decision.

And not making a decision is actually a decision. This is the reason you feel stuck. So today I want to offer you three easy steps that I practice all the time. And I kind of don’t even know I’m practicing them because they’re so automatic for me now. But there was a time when I had to intentionally practice this. I had to let so much go to make room for me to step into the confident role of being my own decision maker, of being the boss of my life. That’s what it takes.

And when you get good at being the boss of your life, and you get very strong and confident at decision making, you will never feel stuck again. Because you are easily saying yes to the things that you want and you’re easily saying no to the things that you don’t want without any drama. Because your life is simply a culmination of your decisions. That’s what we know. Our lives are just curated by our decisions and also our indecisions.

So, step number one is to stop saying, “I don’t know”, and to stop saying, “I’m not sure what to do.” Because I promise you my friend, you always know. I never let my clients say, “I don’t know”, or, “I’m not sure what to do.” Because I always say, “Well, let’s just say you did know, what do you want? What would you like to do? Let’s say you did know. If you knew for sure that you could have anything you wanted, what would you decide?” So, you get really good at knowing what you want, and it can be anything.

What if you did know, what would it be? Put your brain to work and trust yourself. Take a minute and then just simply decide and make the decision because you always know. So, take the words, I don’t know out of your vocabulary. Don’t allow yourself to say those words out loud ever again, or just become aware of how often your brain offers you, I don’t know or I’m not sure what to do, maybe we should ask someone’s opinion. I don’t want you to ever ask anyone’s opinion again because you know what’s best for you.

You know what you want. Now, you just have to give yourself the opportunity to choose it. Trust yourself because you know. That’s step number one.

Step number two is I like to know for sure that whatever the decision is or let’s say I’m choosing between two things, let’s say it’s two big things, either choice that I make will turn out amazing. That’s what I like to think, either one will turn out amazing if I do it or I don’t do it. It’s going to turn out amazing because it always does because I make it amazing. It’s not the thing I’m choosing that makes it amazing. It’s me that makes the choice the right choice and the most incredible choice for me.

So, let’s say it’s getting married, or leaving your job, or starting a new business, or moving to a new neighborhood, a new house, or moving to a new town even, or where to go on vacation, or what kind of new car to buy, or new clothes to buy. What new outfit do I want? What to order for dinner. It even boils down to little, tiny decisions that we make every single day. Do you know that so many women have such a hard time making little, tiny decisions every day? It’s so stressful for women to make decisions. Did you know that?

It’s because we think that we can make a wrong one. And I promise you, you cannot make a wrong one. I have never made a wrong decision in my whole life. I have zero regrets about any decisions I’ve made in my past. They have all led me here and here is the best place for me and the most magical place for me. Every decision I have ever made has been the best decision. So, I know I can’t make a wrong one, so I don’t have a problem making a decision now because either one turns out incredible because I make it incredible.

So, I want you to adopt that idea. Either decision turns out amazing. Now, which one do you want? And then you get to work making that decision the best decision. So, I know I just told you this about my car, that example comes to mind, the car that I thought I was going to buy, it fell through. So, I didn’t spend any time thinking that, well, it must mean that I’m not supposed to have a car or that kind of car. I was just like, “Okay, it wasn’t that particular car but I’m going to go get a car today.” I’m going to, just because I know it’s there.

And I’m going to make it the right car and that’s exactly what I did. And it’s been so fun. And even all the houses we’ve ever moved to, I have always been the one, I kind of drag Jeff a little bit on all of our moves because I’ve told you, you know he loves to stay. He’s not a mover and I’m a mover. So, I’m usually the decision maker with the house that we move into and then he comes along a little bit kicking and screaming, and dragging his feet but then once we’re there he’s so happy we did it.

So, any of those big decisions that we’ve made, I just have loved them all. And it’s because I’ve made them the right decision. When we moved over here to the beach two years ago, I was just all in from the beginning. I had already made the decision ahead of time, one day we’re going to live at the beach. And it just happened to present itself a little earlier than what I thought it was going to present itself. And it was like, okay, well, let’s just go make it amazing. Let’s just go. Why not go now?

So that was just an easy quick decision for me and for us as a married couple. And then the move before that was the same way. I just remember when we – so we moved to a neighborhood called Old Stockdale when we lived in Bakersfield. And I had made that decision years and years before the time presented itself. That was, it was the time to move because I had told Jeff, I was like, “Before I die and before I leave Bakersfield, whenever we move to the beach I will have lived in Old Stockdale.” Because I had wanted to live in Old Stockdale since I was a little girl.

So, I had already made that decision. I didn’t care what house it was. I was just like, “Yeah, I’m going to live in Old Stockdale.” So, when the time came I was like, “Yeah, let’s go, it’s time.” We sold our house super quick. Sold it to one of my best friends, that happened overnight. The house that we moved into was actually my dream home from my childhood. And it actually fell out of [inaudible] and came on the market the day we made the offer. And then that all happened. And we lived in Old Stockdale for six or seven years before we moved to the beach.

And then the exact same thing happened over here when we made that move, because I’d made the decision ahead of time. And I didn’t spend any time regretting, or waffling, or second guessing, or any of that nonsense because that’s just all brain drama. None of it is useful. It isn’t even true. And it robs us of enjoying the decision that we did make. And I know I tell you this all the time, but I just want to keep reminding you that you’re the one who knows what you want. And that you get to trust yourself with your wantings.

And once you make your decision you just go all in on it and make it the right decision. So that’s step number two, either decision turns out amazing because it always does because you make it amazing. That’s step number two in becoming a powerful decision maker.

And then the third step is just knowing, failure is no big deal. We’re supposed to fail. We’re either winning or we’re learning. It doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. So, I don’t mind failing. Let’s just say I make a business decision and it didn’t go exactly the way I thought it would then it’s just like, okay. Well, now there’s 100 other ways I could try this. Let’s just go a different way, that wasn’t supposed to work. And let’s just try a different way that works. I don’t beat myself up for failing. I mean if we even call it failing.

I just always decide that I like trying new things. I like having a beginner’s brain, okay, well, there’s 100 ways I can go here. And one of them is totally going to work for me. So maybe I have to try 100 ways before the one works and that’s supposed to be that way. And I’m willing to try the 100 different ways. It’s totally fine. I’m not afraid of that. I don’t expect it all to work the first time. It rarely does but it doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong.

And maybe I just leave a lot of room for failing and not making failing a big deal. I’m not afraid to fail. And I think that’s my super power too. I’m not embarrassed about failing because if you’re not failing you’re not even trying. So, I always want to be trying. I always want to be experimenting with new ideas and new roads to travel, new journeys to be on. Let’s try this and see where this road takes us. And so just the idea that failing isn’t a big deal, that is step number three.

So, step number one in becoming a solid quick, confident decision maker is stop saying, “I don’t know.” And stop saying, “I’m not sure what to do.” Because you always know. Step number two is both decisions turn out amazing because they do, because you make it amazing. And step number three is failure is no big deal so stop making it a big deal. We’re either winning or we’re learning. So that’s how we can make our quick decisions is like let’s try it this way. If that way doesn’t work we have 99 other ways to try.

One of them is for sure going to work, we just are never going to give up until we get where we want to go. So, I love being a decision maker and I really know that that has kept me reaching all of my goals and my three things that are always on my mind that keep me headed in the same direction and giving me so much clarity in my life are taking these three steps in making quick decisions all day long. Literally I’m just never waffling. I’m never indulging in confusion.

You know that feeling that most people are usually in, I’m just so confused, there’s so many different decisions, I’m kind of overwhelmed, there’s so many options and I’m overwhelmed with all the decisions? I never feel like that, everything feels pretty easy and clear to me. So, I want you to give those three ideas that I’ve offered you today a try. And just decide that you are a good decision maker, that you can’t make a wrong decision. That you always know what to do.

And that failure is not a big deal and failure is always part of the process, always part of the journey. And it’s not anything to be afraid of. And then you know I’m always telling you, I have my future self in mind. And I have these goals, they’re really clear to me. And so, my decisions always align with my goals. And so, I kind of talk to my future self and my future self usually answers me with the correct decision, the one that takes me to the best place.

So those are my thoughts and ideas for you today on becoming a good decision maker, a quick decision maker, never waffling in indecision, never getting stuck in overwhelm and confusion, just not making a big deal about your yeses and your no’s. And just being confident and clear about any big decisions and little decisions kind of all the same to me.

Alright, that’s what I have for you today my friends, I hope that’s useful and helpful. Thank you for showing up today. If you need some help in this department, I would love to be your life coach for the next six months. I have a group that will be starting the second week of September. There is a spot for you in that group. Right now, would be the perfect time to make your decision to buy a spot in that group. So go do that right now, don’t waffle in confusion and overwhelm. You know what you want, go make that decision and move along with your day.

Okay, I love you for showing up, I want you to have the very best week ever and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.