Ep 19. Coaching Notes

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode 19: Coaching Notes.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, there podcast people. How are you today? Welcome back to the show. So today on this episode I’ll be sharing a few very powerful coaching notes to energize you and inspire you on this cold January day. So when I first started my one-on-one coaching business I sent a follow-up email to each client after every single session. I called them coaching notes. And every note was specifically written for that client and the session we had that day, a little follow-up for reference, and encouragement, and practice.

Every day I would coach my client for 15 minutes and then that evening I would write each one an email. So let’s say I had five clients that day, I’d coach for five straight hours. I would spend probably that evening another three hours composing an email. I’m not a fast writer and my days were long. And so as I scaled my business and got busier I decided to stop writing the follow-up emails because they just took too much time. But I did save the ones that I did do. And I spent some time today reading back through some of them.

They’re beautiful, and helpful, and they truly apply to all of us everywhere right where we are because we’re all the same. We all have brains, we all have the same issues just a different flavor. So because I’m extremely confidential when it comes to my clients I’m going to edit a few of them and share them here with you today so you can be encouraged too. If you are a beloved client of mine and you’re listening, don’t be nervous. The notes I read will be very generic and no one will ever know it’s you unless you tell them it’s you.

But here’s the thing about the notes, they still apply to you, they apply to me because we do struggle with the exact same things. And it helps to know this because it gives us hope that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing wrong with me. We’re normal humans with normal human brains. And the more awareness we can get the better we get at overcoming our issues. Issues are not a problem for us. We know when we learn how to manage our thoughts, we don’t make our issues mean something is wrong with us, they’re so much easier to solve.

I told you guys that one of my goals this year is to publish my first book. And so I’m organizing some ideas I have. My first little book may be called Coaching Notes but if not the title of the book, at least the title of one of the chapters of the book. I’ve always been a writer and so everything I write is meant to be honest, and useful, and helpful to anyone who is drawn to it. It’s always helpful for me to get my thoughts and ideas on paper and then to share it. Today on my podcast here is my first edition of Coaching Notes. Insert your name in the dear client space.

And I know it will be useful and helpful for you. Feel free to pass this episode, these notes on to people in your life that will benefit from them. And truly everyone in your life will benefit from them. These are each different clients with a different problem of the day.

Coaching note number one. Dear client, such a great session this morning. Here are some things to think about this week. Your mom will always be your mom. You’ll enjoy her, you’ll be proud of her, and she’ll annoy you, and disappoint you, and frustrate you. That’s what moms do. She is supposed to. Let’s face it, moms are irritating, it has nothing to do with how much you love her. You think you have a strange relationship with your mom but that’s just a thought and I would question it. I think you’re wrong about that.

Because what’s strange anyways, who gets to decide that? And what’s normal anyways, who gets to decide that? Those are just thoughts. Your relationship with your mom is perfect and exactly what you need because it’s exactly what you have. She sounds amazing and I know you’re amazing. You’re just two people with different ideas about how a mom should be and how a daughter should be. Expectations cause our disappointments. It’s not your mom causing your frustration, it’s your thoughts about your mom causing your frustrations.

You be you and let her be her. Do what you want and let her do what she wants. When you’re together it can be such a good time when you manage your thoughts. Stop reacting to her words. Stop resisting who she is. Drop your judgments. Don’t make her behavior mean anything about you because it doesn’t. Her behavior is created by the way she’s feeling, and her feelings are created by the way she’s thinking. That has nothing to do with you. Pay more attention to how you’re showing up than how she’s showing up. That’s what you have control over.

You create your relationship with her in your mind. You can retrain your thoughts and eventually move from resentment and frustration to love and peace if you want to. She doesn’t have to change at all for your relationship with her to change, accept what is and not what you wish it would be. This is the road to wholeness. I love you and I loved coaching you today.

Coaching note number two. Dear client, there’s nothing comfortable about living an extraordinary life. It takes intention, and awareness, and a willingness to fail and to be wrong. You’re learning it, I’m learning it and now your daughter is learning it too. Everything that happened with your daughter was supposed to happen. It’s not something for you to fix, or to worry about, or to wish away. She is growing up, she is learning, and she is being a very normal 16 year old girl.

She got into trouble, and she was supposed to for her sake, part of her journey. It’s the way life works. Don’t make it a big deal. The circumstance is neutral, and you can think about it any way you want to, zero drama. You are the one causing yourself so much suffering by trying to manage everybody else’s thoughts and opinions about your daughter. Let them all think whatever they think. It doesn’t matter one bit and it’s really not your business. You don’t have to defend her.

Her actions don’t mean anything about her as a human, as a daughter, as a girl and also it doesn’t mean anything about you as a mom. It just means you both are humans. She gets the opportunity to own her actions, figure out who she wants to become, knowing what she knows now because of the lesson, no shame, no blame, no drama. It doesn’t have to be a problem unless you want it to be a problem. You keep managing your own thoughts and you keep loving your daughter, that’s your only job.

Stay out of trying to manage everybody else’s ideas and opinions about either one of you. All is well, I promise. I love you and I loved coaching you today.

Coaching note number three. Dear client, change is difficult because you are breaking a habit and a relationship cycle that has become very comfortable for you. It leaves you in unfamiliar territory and feeling out of sorts. Breaking up with a boyfriend is the same thing only harder. Let it be hard, it’s supposed to be. The truth is it’ll be hard for you either way, hard if you stay with him, hard if you leave him. You’ve spent so much time and energy working on his potential. You weren’t in love with him, you were in love with his potential.

The only potential you need to spend your time and energy on is yours. Because when you don’t, when you just are so invested in someone else’s potential, it’s like going to the hardware store every day to buy a loaf of bread. You’ll be disappointed every single time. The hardware store does not carry bread. So your partner cannot ever give you what you can only give yourself. I want you to know this for sure. You are worth knowing, you are worth loving, and you are worth all the effort. You must show up for you, meet yourself right where you are.

Create a rich, beautiful, fulfilling, trustworthy relationship with you. It’s the only one that truly matters. When you’re confident and you love yourself well, your other relationships become so much easier. Everything you need is already inside of you, and you’ve had it all along. Believe in yourself like never before. Be stubborn about it, you’re brilliant and you’re beautiful. And I know that you’re suffering right now and I’m so sorry for your sadness. Don’t be afraid to feel whatever feelings come up, welcome them, and feel them all, process them, let them do their work and then release them.

Stay awake and stay present because this is the road that will take you to a bright new place. Keep walking, my friend. I love you, I’m proud of you and I love coaching you.

Coaching note number four. Dear client, emotional adulthood is the practice of taking full ownership and responsibility for your life. You don’t go along with things to keep the peace. You don’t blame your husband for your feelings. You decide what you want, and you discuss your feelings openly and honestly. You tell the truth to yourself and to your spouse. You don’t react but you intentionally respond. You hold yourself and your spouse in the highest regard and treat you both with equal respect. You don’t take responsibility for his feelings, let him feel whatever he feels.

Most people stay in emotional childhood their entire lives and blame everything on their spouse, or blame everything on their kids, or blame everything on their parents, or their friends, or the government, or the universe. They are sometimes bullies, they are sometimes passive aggressive, and they are sometimes playing the victim. It’s a terrible horrible way to live. You are your husband’s equal partner in every way, so how up that way, show up for yourself. Speak up that way and speak up for yourself.

Take your seat at the table, your kids are grown adults and they’re living their own lives, it’s time for you to do the same thing. Decide what you want, who you want to be and then get to work creating it. Your future self is for sure cheering you on. I love you and I loved coaching you today.

Coaching note number five. Dear client, live up to your full potential this year. Focus on what matters most to you, mind your own business, be clear about your priorities, create boundaries for yourself. Your problem is that you’re not taking care of what’s yours to manage. You spend wasted energy in other people’s business. So pay attention, stay focused. You have just the perfect amount of time and energy each day to thrive in your own life and take care of your own responsibilities.

Stop being distracted by things you have zero control over. You aren’t here to fix anyone else. You’re here to grow into your best possible self. And in doing that you’ll inspire others to do the same. No one likes to be fixed by you. You think they need you to manage them, and worry about them, and hover over them to keep them on track. But they don’t, you’re not in charge of other adults. You have just enough energy today to be fully in charge of yourself. Train your brain to take care of you, pay attention to you, what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, how you’re showing up.

What better way to spend this day than to focus on your own tasks, and your own goals, and your own wellbeing. When you get really good at this you flourish, and your people end up eventually flourishing as well. They are able to witness what it looks like when someone they love and admire is living up to her potential, they can see how it’s done. They’re inspired by your growth and your accomplishments. We love each other best when we love ourselves and when we pay attention to our own work, it’s contagious. It solves almost every relationship struggle you were having.

Make yourself proud, make your people proud, make this your best year ever, keep your thoughts focused on your own business. I love you and I loved coaching you today.

So you guys, those were my coaching notes and that last one was specifically for all of us today. The perfect way to wrap up this episode on coaching notes. Even though I don’t write individual follow-up notes anymore, I do produce this podcast every week for my clients and do write a blog on my Instagram for my clients. And most importantly, I do coach my clients one-on-one every single week. It’s all very powerful and very lifechanging.

So listen, every one of us has unlimited potential, and purpose, and possibility, and it’s really exciting for me to think about it. I love thinking about it. I love thinking about my clients and the work that they are doing to reach their potential. I’m helping them see what it is and do the workday after day, week after week to make it happen. It’s thrilling for both of us and gives us both accountability and a specific direction we’re headed with specific outcomes that were created. It’s a slow sure steady pace in the right direction.

Coaching works, it’s like going to the gym every day, but for your brain. Mental health, emotional health and physical health takes practice, it takes upkeep, and it takes maintenance. It’s not an arrival where we’re all fixed once and for all. It’s a practice that we continue for life. Life coaching will give you the results you want and the life experience you want. Come be my next new client. I have a spot waiting just for you. Sign up for a free session and let’s get to work on your life and in your life, it’s so fun and so powerful, and it’s completely life giving and now is the perfect time to start.

So that’s what I have for you today all my friends, thanks for being the best podcast listeners ever. If you know someone who could benefit from these episodes, please share them. I hope you’re having the happiest January so far. I adore you for showing up today and I’ll see you next week.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.