Ep 125. 3 Ways to Get What You Want

I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 125, 3 Ways to Get What You Want.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hello, my gorgeous friend out in the podcast world. How are you today? Happy February. This comes out on February 1st. Hello 2024. What a happy day. Man, January was good, wasn’t it? January was exceptional, probably my favorite January yet. I got so much accomplished and I hope you can say the same thing. January always feels a little bit extra-long and I know a lot of people complain about that. But I do not complain about that. In fact, I do not complain at all.

My goal every day is to not complain at all. And so I get better and better at not complaining at all. And today I want to teach you three really, I don’t know, simple, I want to say, maybe not easy but simple steps that you can take, three simple ways to get what you want. For me it’s just pretty simple, pretty clear. I’m very practiced at getting what I want at the age of 62 and maybe I always have been.

But the last six years since I have learned to manage my mind and my emotions so that my brain doesn’t run my life, but I am actually my highest self, my best self, my strongest self, my most compelling self is who is running my life every single day. And I know exactly what I want and I know exactly how to get it. And I can say for sure seven years ago, I didn’t know this skill. I didn’t have this skill. I didn’t know that I was the boss of my life. Up until the age of 57, I thought everybody else was the boss of my life because I was such a gang people pleaser.

And all my relationships were so codependent, and which I can tell you for sure, I really wanted to break free from codependency and from people pleasing the very most. And that my friend is what I created for myself in the last seven years. Let me tell you, I got exactly what I wanted because I have been so clear, so focused. I’ve been practicing so much, doing what it takes to break free from relationships. So I was just so locked in on that I really wanted to break free from. So I learned how to do that. My life feels so much better.

My life feels so much freer. And I have so much more energy to be a creator in the world. I created so much in January just because I’m no longer a people pleaser, no longer in any codependent relationships. I just have really, truly set myself free and I really want to help you with that today. Because I know if you’re a woman in the second half of life, this is what you struggle with probably the most. Even if you don’t realize that this is actually what’s holding you back from all the other things you really want, you can’t figure out why you keep starting and stopping on yourself.

You have goals in January every year and then by the end of January, you’ve already quit on yourself. I know this super well. And my guess would be that you are stuck in codependent relationships and in people pleasing. You just run out of bandwidth because of that.

You run out of energy because of that. And you quit on yourself instead of quitting on the codependent relationships and quitting on the people pleasing, which is what I really want you to do.

And this isn’t even an episode about codependency and people pleasing. But all my episodes are kind of wrapped a little bit touched by that, because I think we’re all touched by that. I think this is a practice and a habit that we all want to break free from. And that will change every single other area in our life. So we want to become happy, healthy, independent, strong women in the second half of life, who are focused and who gets every single thing that they want. That’s us. That’s me. That’s you.

So here are the three ways that I get every single thing that I want. First way, first step, first idea, first habit, first practice is to decide what I want. I know, that seems obvious. But listen, once you really start holding yourself accountable to deciding what you want, your brain will go into massive confusion.

Your brain will go, oh my gosh, what do I want? I don’t even know what I want. What am I allowed to want? What can I want? What’s even possible for me? And your brain will just think so small.

And what will people think? How will people feel? I’ll be embarrassed to even admit that this is what I want. This feels outrageous. This feels shallow. This feels like too much. Other people are going to judge me. I’m going to judge me. So it’s all that nonsense that our brain feeds us on default when we go to decide what we want. Think about when you’re at a restaurant and you’re looking at a menu and if the menu has a ton of things.

It’s not hard to decide what you want, let’s say, if you’re going to In-N-Out Burger because they don’t have that much on their menu. So actually In-N-Out Burger is a good example. You get the choice between a single burger or a double burger. They don’t offer you anything but that and French fries and a drink. Maybe you want a shake and then you have to decide, do I want a vanilla shake, a chocolate shake or a strawberry shake? Do I want a cheeseburger or a plain burger? Do I want grilled onions or chopped onions or no onions?

So decision-making can be such our superpower when we start this process of deciding what we want, step number one. And realize. you guys, I’ve become such a good decision-maker. I’m not confused at all hardly ever anymore because I’m on to my brain. And also because I allow myself to want anything that I want. Isn’t that insane? I can want anything that I want even if I’m embarrassed to say it out loud to anybody. I don’t even care that I’m embarrassed. I’ll say it out loud and be embarrassed. And I think big and I dream big and I want everything. I want everything.

So everything that is available to me on the menu, I want everything but right now I’m going to pick one thing to focus on. And then the next time, then I’m going to get that thing going, and then the next time I’m going to be real decisive about the next thing I’m going to work on. So step number one to getting what you want is to decide what you want and know that you can want what you want. I give you full permission. The universe gives you full permission. You are here to want what you want.

And because women have been programmed to not want what we want, to want what other people want us to have and to want for them what they want, which is so different than wanting what we want. So you guys, I really want you to want what you want and realize that it’s okay if it’s uncomfortable for you to want what you want.

I was talking to a friend this morning. I went to a 5:00am Orangetheory class, you know I did, every single day, every single day, every single day. And I get to work out with this friend of mine a couple days a week. I go Monday through Friday, but she works full-time and she has kids and oh, my gosh, she’s awesome and she is my pacer. She is so badass. And I love when we get to work out next to each other and this morning we got to work out next to each other.

And she told me that she is going after a new job. And that’s my jam. I love that so much. I’m like, ‘Oh, yeah, you go get that job, girl, they’ll be so lucky to have you. You go get it.” And she goes, “Yeah, it’s scary.” Because she has to go through all these rounds of interviews and everything. She’s a big deal and the job’s a big deal and all of that. And I was like, “Yeah, it’s scary. Everything we want is scary.” That’s what I told her. So let’s just get good at being scared. And that’s what I’m telling you today, my friend, everything you want and I want everything, everything I want feels scary.

It feels scary to want it. It feels scary to say it out loud. It feels scary to go get it and to keep going to get it until we get it. It all feels scary. So we just have to get good at being afraid and not make that a problem at all. And that is what actually grows our capacity to do hard things, which is what we want as well. We want to be gritty women in the second half of life who cannot be stopped. We’re unstoppable.

So step number one to getting what you want is to decide what you want and to realize that what you want, you’re supposed to want. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want. In fact, it’s such a good thing for the world. So declare what you want, especially to yourself, have your own back.

And step number two is to make a plan, sister, create a process, create a discipline. And every day plan to set yourself up to get exactly what you want. You’ve got to have a system. You’ve got to be clear about what you want and then you’ve got to be committed to what you want and then you’ve got to be consistent with your plan.

Set up your no nonsense plan. This is what happens. This is why it’s so important to decide what you want and then to make a plan to set yourself up every day, every day, every day, to get what you want.

What happens is you start breaking free from codependency and people pleasing, which is what we really need to do. And the reason we start breaking free from that is when we make a plan and a system and we’re committed to that. That means we’re committed to ourself and we’re committed to getting what we want instead of what everyone else wants us to have and what everyone else wants from us. So this is how we do it. We make the plan and we follow the plan every day, every day, every day.

And that requires from us, staying in our own business, swimming in our own lane and living with blinders on. We’re funneling all of our energy into our plan to get what we want. So that’s step number two. And the result of getting what we want, you guys, not only do we get that thing that we’re committed to, but we get a lot of extra bonus things that we didn’t even know were going to be like the bonus result, the cherry on the top of getting what we want.

And two of those bonus things, you guys, I promise you 100% is you’re going to start breaking free from codependent relationships and people pleasing habits. You’re going to have to live with the discomfort of getting what you want and sticking to your plan. That means putting yourself first. That means breaking free from codependency and people pleasing habits. Take my word for it. That’s step number two. So step number one is, make the decision. Decide what you want.

Step number two, make a plan. Create a daily system. I call it and I know I’ve told you guys this a few times, but I want you to think like this because it’s so helpful for me. When I am working towards something that I want, I’m super clear, super committed. Every day my day is disciplined and set up so that I am, figuratively speaking, putting a marble in that jar of what I want, that one jar, and I have several jars.

So my dream life is the machine of my life. And all of these marbles that I’m putting in jars every day because of my system, because of my habits, because of my disciplines, because of my focus, because I’m swimming in my own lane. All of these marbles, all of these little, tiny actions that I’m taking every single day that are feeding these individual jars of what I want, these marbles are feeding this machine of my dream life. That’s how I get everything I want.

So I want you to know, it matters, your system matters, your daily habits matter. And the outcome of that is so much greater than anything you can imagine right now. It just gets better and better and better, and your confidence grows and grows and grows. And your relationships get healthier and happier and easier. And the things that you’re struggling with right now, you will no longer even be struggling with. That wasn’t even the thing you were working on. It’s just the bonus of working on the one thing that you really want. That’s how it is. That’s how it works.

And I promise you, this is the outcome of my life. This is why I love my life so much is because of these three steps. So step number one, decide you’re no longer in confusion. You’re no longer in overwhelm. You’re no longer in indecision. You decide, you have your own back. Step number two, you set up your discipline, your daily discipline, your daily system. You make a plan and you stick with it no matter what.

And step number three, you go and get it as if your life depends on it. You never lose sight of the thing you want. You let it be scary and you know you can handle it. And you’re willing to do everything and anything that it takes from you. You put that thing first and when you put that thing first, that means you’re putting you first in your own life. You are becoming the boss of your life and you know this is going to make me more confident, this is going to make me more competent. I’m going to get good at so many things.

I’m going to break free from all the things that are holding me back. The limiting beliefs that I have in my mind, I’m no longer going to believe those because I’m going to learn how to manage my mind and my emotions in such a way that I am going to get every single thing that I want. That is the life we all want. That is the dream life. And these three steps, you think it’s going to be complicated. It does take magic. I always leave room for lots of magic because I think magically and I think magical thinking is always useful and to my benefit.

But really you guys, the bottom line is just being a woman who does what she says she’s going to do. That’s the bottom line of getting what you want. So I want you to know these three steps, these three ways are simple. They’re not easy, but they’re simple. Decide, make a plan and go get it. There they are. three things. I’m going to give you, off the top of my head, what I have created for myself in the last seven years. This is just since I’ve found this thought work.

This is just since I learned these tools and skills, how I’ve learned how to manage my mind and my emotions. And I don’t let other people run my life. I actually, me, myself, I run my life. I make my decisions. I do not worry anymore. That’s what I’ve created. This is the outcome of all of this work. I told you that this week on Instagram, this has been such a miracle in my life that I no longer worry about what other people are thinking about me or saying about me. Honestly, I do not worry about other people’s judgments or opinions because I understand it.

I understand that is what the brain does and that is just a bad habit that most women have, and it’s just not a problem for me. It is no reflection on me. And even if it is a reflection on me, I’m fine with that. I can probably agree with some of their opinions and some of their thoughts about me. And that is just no longer a problem for me. I understand myself so well. I have gotten to know myself so well and befriended myself and love myself in such a powerful way that I have my own back here. I’m not going to betray myself. I’m not going to let myself down.

I will always be my own cheerleader, my own confidante, my own best friend, my own coach. I will be so devoted to me and proud of me and in love with me. So I’m not driven and tossed by the opinions of anyone else. I know me better than anyone else knows me. So I trust my thoughts and opinions about myself more than I trust anyone else’s.

And then I do have a few people that I care about their opinion of me. So of course I care about that. And if they want to give me their opinions and their thoughts when I ask them for them, I appreciate that. I take that to heart and I value that and I can look at it objectively. And you know what I no longer do either is take things personally because of this work, because I decided I don’t want to take things personally anymore. It is so in my way of me getting what I want.

So because of the last seven years of getting coached and being a coach and having these specific set of tools and skills, I know how to manage my mind and my emotions in such a way that I do not take things personally. I do not react to things. I do not get triggered by things that I used to get triggered by and make it all a problem. I just don’t. I don’t slow myself down in that area at all. So there are so many good things that I have created for myself because of this work, because I just decide what I want, I make a plan, and then I go and get it.

Those three things, those three steps, that’s what I do and I do it on the daily. So I want what I want and I want a lot. I want everything. And so I just pick one thing. Today I’ll take a cheeseburger with grilled onions. And I’m going to work on that until I get that. And then maybe the next thing I want is a double cheeseburger and no onions or a double burger and a chocolate shake.

And then I work on that until I get that thing. And then I just keep moving forward and I keep creating every single thing that I want. Isn’t that incredible? Isn’t that magical? Isn’t that fabulous at 62, almost 63?

You guys, listen, March 5th, 2024. I’m going to turn 63. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. But I’m going to decide what I want to do for my birthday. Then I’m going to make a plan and then I’m going to make it happen. I’m not putting it in anyone else’s hands. I am going to decide what I want to do for my birthday. I am going to make a plan to make it happen. It might be by myself. It might be with my husband. It might be with my entire family. I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. But I’m going to decide. I’m going to think about it.

I’m going to give some energy. I’m going to think about that day and really what I want to do that day. I’m not going to consider anyone else. I’m going to consider me and what I want to do that day. And then I’m going to go do it. That’s how you do it.

So listen, let me continue and tell you what I’ve created for myself. You know what I’ve wanted my entire life? I’ve wanted to live at the beach in kind of a Hampton kind of cottage house on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean. That’s what I wanted my whole entire life. And I was determined to do it. My husband even said, “No, we’ll never be able to do that.” And he said that all up until the day that we actually bought the house and moved into the house. And then he was like, “Oh, yeah, look what we did.”

You guys, I created for myself, I decided it. I was like a dog with a bone. I told everybody, “No, I’m not living here the rest of my life. I’m going to live in a white house on a hill overlooking the ocean.” This is what I told everybody and I told my husband. And they were like, “Okay, alright.” My husband was like, “Don’t get your hopes up. I don’t see how we can afford it.” Listen, I live in a white Hampton house, old, shingled house on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It is my dream.

I decided what I wanted and I made a plan and I didn’t stop until I got it. I got it three years ago, a little over three years ago in 2020. And it literally landed in my lap. And then once it landed in my lap then I had to really get to work. I had to create a plan, and I did. And I was willing to give up a lot of other things to make this one thing happen and I did. And we’re here. And it is a dream come true. I got what I wanted.

I wanted a blacked out Range Rover a couple of years ago. I got it. I decided that was what I wanted because there’s a lot of cars to choose from. And I love cars. I’m a car girl. But I decided I want a blacked out Range Rover. There were a lot of little roadblocks in the way, trust me, I was like, “I don’t care. I don’t care how long it takes me, that’s what I’m going to get.” And I went and got it. I made a plan and I went and got it.

What else? So many things. I wanted a business. I wanted a life coaching business. I wanted something to do in the second half of life. I remember when I turned 50, I was overwhelmed. I was exhausted. I was confused. I was living with the belief that this is it. I was disappointed. This is what you get as a woman at 50, who’s worked her whole entire life to be everything for everyone. And then here I am at 50, and it wasn’t anything.

It was almost like I had the ladder up against the wrong building and I climbed the ladder for years and I got to the top and it wasn’t even the right building. There was no window or door there. So I had to decide what I wanted at 50. And then I had to make a plan and then I had to go get it. And I did. I am a life coach for women in the second half of life, who maybe at 40 or at 50, you woke up, you worked ferociously the first 40 or 50 or 60 years of your life and you got to the top of the ladder and there’s no window and there’s no door and you’re like, “What in the world? I don’t even know what all that was for.”

So because I had that experience, I wanted to create a business that I could thrive in and that other women could thrive with and learn how to create a life they love living as I’m creating a life I love living. So I teach my clients every week, every week, every week to know what they want. I give them examples of what’s available to them, which is everything they want. I teach them how to trust themselves, how to build their confidence and then how to make a plan and then how to go get what they want. I’m a genius at that.

So my business is growing leaps and bounds every year, is just off and running and getting stronger. Every year I make so much more money and get so many more clients than I had the year before. It’s just thriving and thriving and thriving. And also at the same time I take such good care of myself so that I would never burn out, but that I would continue to be the example of what’s possible for every woman in the second half of life who wants to build something different and new and fresh and maybe something that no one else they even know is doing.

You guys, I didn’t even know what life coaching was eight years ago, and here I am an extremely successful life coach for women in the second half of life and I am an example of what it looks like to live a life of your dreams, getting every single thing you want when you’re 62, almost 63 years old. I promise you, everyone that’s listening to this, my 63rd year will absolutely be the very happiest, the very strongest, most motivated year of my life.

I’ve already set myself up for that experience because I create my life experience. You create your life experience by deciding what you want and then making the plan and then going and making it happen and never giving up on yourself. I 100% guarantee you, I will never give up on myself. That’s the last thing I would ever do. I will always have my own back. I will always be the one who shows up for me. I will never betray myself. If I tell myself I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it.

And if something happens, I’ll just adjust my plan, but I will never betray myself. I’ll always tell myself the truth. And I will always want what I want and go and get what I want unashamedly. To be the example of what’s possible, create a life you love, that’s super fun. Another thing I’ve created for myself is really easy relationships with my people, the people I love the most. I don’t have a lot of people that I love the most and that I would drop anything for, but man, I do have a handful of my people that I’m madly in love with. I let everybody else go and that has been to my benefit.

And I just have clean, healthy, happy relationships with my family. I have a couple of close friends that I would drop anything for. I love my clients. I have so much energy for my clients because of the way I live my life. I want everything for them. I want them to get everything they come for when they come to work with me. I want them to build their confidence and grow all of their skills and grow their story, empower themselves with the story they tell themselves about themselves. The story we have about ourself is everything, everything, everything.

So I have created more in my life in the last seven years because of coaching than I did in the first 56 years of my life, when I didn’t have the tools and the skills that I have now, of mind management and being the boss of my emotions. Being able to have the skill of creating whatever feelings I want to feel and allowing all the feelings that come up and knowing how to feel them without ever making myself wrong that I have them. And feelings have become my superpower.

So when we know how to feel how we want to feel, that empowers us to take massive action every single day in the direction of what we want. So I never feel stuck. I always feel like I’m in a flow. I am motivated. I stay inspired. I know how to give myself those feelings which is stunning. That’s a stunning superpower to have at 62 years old. I don’t know anyone else like me at my age. So I am the example of what’s possible for you. I want you to know you can want anything and everything that you want.

I want you to know you can stop people pleasing. You can stop all your codependency habits. That will up-level your life automatically, but going after what you want, deciding, making a plan and going and getting it will actually help you break free from codependency and people pleasing because you have to put yourself first, maybe for the first time. You have to daily practice putting yourself first and what you want first and taking care of your own needs first. And once you do that, then all of your relationships start getting cleaned up.

And you even have to be willing to let some of them go, which isn’t a bad thing. That is a good thing, trust me. We’re always thinking about our future self. Our future self is beckoning us on. Maybe you want to stop over-drinking, or maybe you want to stop drinking alcohol altogether. Maybe you want to stop overeating. Maybe you want to clean up your diet. Never give up on yourself. Maybe you want to start exercising every day like I do, eating better like I do, under-drinking alcohol like I do. I call it under-drinking. I totally under-drink alcohol. I don’t battle with alcohol at all.

I have a very healthy relationship which I can teach you how to have. Maybe you want a blacked out Range Rover. Maybe you want a white house on a hill overlooking an ocean. Maybe you want a very happy healthy relationship with your husband. Maybe you want your own bedroom and your own bathroom and your own bank account and your own money. And maybe you want to just want what you want and make your own decisions.

I just think of myself as single and not in the way. I am so not interested in having sex with anyone but my husband or I have no interest in other men. So it’s not that. So don’t think that that has one thing to do with it. It absolutely does not. It’s more like I had to break free from the ideas that were just ground into my brain that I couldn’t make my own decisions, that I had to confer with my husband, that I needed to do what he thought was best. But now I just make my decisions as if I’m single. What do I want? What do I think is best? Trust myself.

I know what’s best for me. I know how to spend my money. I know how to make my money. I get to decide all of that. So I act as though in my brain as if I’m single and that there’s no one to confer with other than me, and to trust myself. And everything keeps getting stronger and better. And I keep creating every single thing that I want.

So three easy steps, decide, make the plan and go get it. Not hard. It’s simple, but you’ve got to have your own back. You’ve got to show up for yourself because you’re the boss. You’re the most important person in your life. So you’ve got to show up for yourself and start acting like her and then you can go get every single thing that you want. And that’s a blast, my friend. So happy February.

My next group starts Tuesday February 20th, it’s already over halfway full now. It’s at noon California time every Tuesday for 20 weeks. I call it a six month coaching program. You will get 20 weeks of group coaching. You will get two private sessions with me and you, alone. You will get six bonus workshops. That’s totally separate from your coaching sessions, so six bonus workshops in the six months. And the best part of all is our in-person retreat on May 2nd, 3rd and 4th in Avila Beach, California. Get in this group, you do not want to miss it.

Learn how to want what you want and then make a plan and then go and get what you want. You are worth it and your future is worth it. It will change everything, I 100% guarantee it. I love you so much for showing up today. Have the best week and I will talk to you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.