Ep 116. How to Have Happy Holidays

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 116, How to Have Happy Holidays.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hello my friend out in podcast land, good morning. I am sitting here in my pajamas and my robe, my fire is going and my Christmas tree is up and it is the day after Thanksgiving. Oh my gosh, I had the best Thanksgiving and I intend to have the best Christmas as well. And I’m going to tell you how you can do the same. So this podcast actually was due yesterday on Thanksgiving or by Thanksgiving and as you can see, I am a day late.

So thank you so much to Devon and my podcast team for being patient with me. I rarely get it in late but today it is late and I’m totally fine with it. I know that everything’s going to work out just fine. And another thing I forgot to do, I think is turn in my Fun Friday newsletter this week as well. But I’m just telling you guys all out in podcast land that even when things don’t go the way that you think in your head that they should go. It’s all totally perfectly fine. This is what I know at 62 years old at the holidays, when you are running a full time business as well.

So I just love who I am, who I’ve become, who I’m becoming, and truly the skill of learning how to be okay with everything the way that it turns out. And not ever really overreacting to anything and knowing for sure that nothing ever has to be a problem. This is my favorite thought, nothing is a problem. This isn’t a problem. So I coached a lot this week, you guys, on that specific thing because emotions are high at the holidays. And I want you to know that you can have a happy holiday all on your own no matter what is going on outside of you.

This is the skill that we want in the second half of life. We want to be able to manage our thoughts and emotions in a way where we feel safe in our own body being us. And even when our brain thinks that something’s a problem and our nervous system reacts to something not going right or well, our highest self, we can separate out our highest self, our truest self from our brain and our nervous system. And we don’t have to make anything a problem. We can be the woman in the room who is steady and sure and safe and not reactionary. This is who we want to be.

We don’t want to be the woman who reacts to everything and is emotionally unstable and emotionally reactionary. So we don’t want to be the one who is upset, the one who people are walking on eggshells around. We don’t ever want to be her. So that’s what this episode is all about. I want to assure you that you can feel steady and sure and even happy throughout this entire holiday season. And I am going to be the one that teaches you how to do this from my own experience.

So step number one is to realize that there’s you, the spirit of you, your highest true self. And then there is your brain and your nervous system. And if you are a woman of 62 years old like I am, my body has had 62 years, my brain and nervous system of reacting to so-called problems. And that’s totally fine. That’s just normal. And you just have a normal brain and a normal nervous system like I do.

But what has helped me to be different in the second half of life is to become the watcher of it instead of attached to it or the partner of it. So I don’t have to make anything a problem even if my nervous system has reacted to something, is triggered by something. That isn’t me. That is just my brain and nervous system. It’s so different than me. So I can be the observer of it. I’m just going to be the witness to it and the watcher of it instead of reacting to its reaction.

So you can just kind of step outside of it and watch it, be the witness of it and just find it very curious and not be mean to yourself about it, not think that anything is wrong with it. This is all very normal, healthy reactions to what might be so-called problems or so-called something has gone wrong. So my go to step number one is becoming the observer of a so-called problem.

And I think the thought on purpose, my highest self thinks my go to practiced thought now is that this isn’t a problem even if my brain and nervous system has reacted to it. If so-called something has gone wrong, you’ve gotten a phone call, somebody else is upset or you think someone’s mad at you or upset with you and you react to that. So we’ve had lots of practice thinking that something has gone wrong. And our new practice is knowing that nothing has gone wrong. Everybody is safe. This isn’t a problem. We’re going to figure this out.

We’re just the witness to our body’s reaction. Can you see that? And let it be okay, let yourself be fine and safe being you. You’re just watching yourself react, but you don’t ever have to make it a problem. You don’t have to get upset because your body is upset. This is deep work, I’m telling you. But I want you to know this is how you have happy holidays. This is how you leave lots of space for everybody and everything outside of you to be exactly what it is, and let it not be a problem.

You just become the witness of it instead of being the one who is triggered by it and reactive to it. You don’t have to be upset about it. You don’t have to get mad at anybody. You don’t have to get mad at yourself about any of it. Nothing ever has to be a problem for you. When you can kind of step outside yourself and be the witness of what is going on with you, you get to be the boss of you. You get to be in charge of your brain and your nervous system at all times.

And step number one is just becoming the witness of it all without reacting to it even if your body’s upset, even if your body feels triggered and activated. So even if your body is activated and upset, you don’t have to be upset. You don’t have to yell at anybody. I mean, you don’t have to react to any of it. You can stay calm and sure and steady and do the next right thing. Okay, so that’s step number one.

Step number two is truly let it all be okay and think on purpose the thought, this isn’t a problem. Think on purpose the thought, I am safe, everybody is safe. Think on purpose, the thought I have everything I need, and so do you. You have everything you need. Think on purpose, the thought, I’ll figure it out, we’ll figure it out, everything is okay. So these are go to thoughts that you have to write down and you have to keep with you because your brain isn’t going to go to those thoughts automatically.

So you, your highest self, your truest self needs to have these thoughts written down that are so powerful and so useful. And override the thoughts that your brain and body are going to offer you, which are always worst case scenario. So we don’t go to worst case scenario. Our true self goes to these thoughts, this isn’t a problem. I am safe. Everybody’s safe. We have everything we need. We’ll figure this out. Nothing’s a problem.

Step number three is intentional taking action. Let’s just take action. How can I help solve this? What’s the next right thing to do? How would my surest self, my steadiest self, my highest self, the self that I trust, what would she do next? So that’s what planning tomorrow today does for us, when we have a plan, what is the next right thing to do? I don’t get carried away by anyone else’s drama. And I’m certainly not causing my own drama at the holidays.

What is true? What are the facts? So you learn to separate out the facts from the thoughts, from the drama.

What are the facts here? What do we know for sure? Alright, how can I handle this best? And how can I keep everything calm and steady and sure? And then what is the next right thing to do? What is the next step? So I just go back to my planner. How can I help anyone that needs help here? Is this even something for me to get involved with? Is this even a problem to be solved? And if I’ve separated out the thoughts and the drama from the actual facts, if there’s something to actually take action on, to solve what is it that I want to do to solve?

I’m not going to get on the phone and call everybody and tell everybody about the problem. I’ll never do that. I’ll never add fuel to that fire. I’m not going to talk about the problem. I’m just going to go to my highest self. How can I help solve this problem, if in fact there is anything for me to do here to help solve it? And if there is, I’m going to take action on it. I’m going to help solve it. And then I’m going to get back to what I’m supposed to be doing for it today.

Okay, so step number one is to become the observer of yourself, that’s it, be the watcher of yourself. Just notice if you’re activated, if your nervous system has been activated, let it be okay, that isn’t a problem. And just watch it without making it a problem. Step number two is to go to your practiced thoughts. Your practiced thoughts are, this isn’t a problem. I’m safe. You’re safe. Everybody’s safe. Thought number three, I have everything I need. They have everything they need.

And number four, I’ll figure it out. We’ll all figure this out. And I even go past that, how can we have some fun here? Let’s have some fun. This can be fun. How can I make this fun? So we get very dramatic and extra emotional in the holidays. I just want you to be aware of it. I want you to have some awareness and some space and let everything be okay as it is. This has been so helpful and so useful for me. So be aware, leave yourself some space. Have your practiced thoughts written out, your go to thoughts until you’ve retrained your brain to believe that this isn’t actually a problem.

That this is just lots of years for me, 60 years of my body just reacting to a so-called problem, when in fact nothing ever has to be a problem. And I love being me now because I know that I am safe being me. And I can have some fun even in the holidays when it looks like maybe something might go wrong, something has gone wrong or something could go wrong in the future or whatever our brain wants us to drum up as some form of problem or drama. I just don’t buy into it anymore because of this practice.

And step number three is just go back to what you’re supposed to be doing, taking action. If you can help solve it, go ahead and help solve it, if it’s a problem that you can solve. But go back to you being you and your body being safe, being steady, being focused on what the next thing that you are going to do. What do you have control over? We’re just not going to be emotionally volatile women ever again.

We have this practice of knowing how to manage our thoughts, knowing how to manage our emotions, knowing how to take action from a place of love and safety and security. And just moving forward with our own life and our own body. This is what we do and it’s so fun being us. This is how we not only have happy holidays, but this is how we have a very happy life. So being the one who is of sound mind and emotions is the one we want to be. This is who I am and this is who I want you to be.

I am a great problem solver. In fact, I rarely even think anything’s a problem anymore, and I love that about myself. So I don’t have any fears about the future. I don’t have any true fears about the future because I believe that I know from experience now that I’m going to figure everything out. And I’m going to have some fun doing it. So I’m not going to buy into anyone else’s drama. I’m going to be able to be the sound voice of reason for everybody else. It’s going to be okay, everything’s okay. How can I help? So I’m not reactionary even if my body is, even if my mind is.

I know how to calm my body and mind down very quickly. And it’s because I’m not making myself wrong. Even if my body is reactionary, I am not reactionary. So I want you to see, even if this is the first time you’ve heard anything like this, I want you to know what’s possible for you moving forward. This is what thought work does. This is the way that I coach my women. This is how we can have not only happy holidays, but a very happy, steady, sure life moving forward.

It’s the difference between having a leaky boat where water is just always seeping in and we’re spending all of our energy just scooping out the water out of our leaky boat. We don’t want to have a leaky boat. We want to have a boat that doesn’t have any leaks in it. So we are just steady on the sea. We are just moving forward. We’re funneling all of our energy in the things that we have control of.

And that is to have a very steady, sure, happy, safe life being you in your everyday life, even at the holidays when it seems like the emotional level is pretty high and things feel pretty tight all around you. You don’t ever have to be that way. You can have lots of spaciousness. You can have a way of being where you feel, and this is what I told my clients this week. I have such a sense of wellbeing all of the time. It is safe being me in any circumstance. I don’t have to have any drama about it. And I love that and I want to teach you how to do the same thing.

So this is how, this is my idea for you today, my offering for you today on this day after Thanksgiving. I am tired, but I am so filled with joy. I am so grateful for my life and for this work. I am so grateful for my family, for the people that I choose to surround myself with. I am so excited about Christmas and the whole month of December ahead of me because I know that everything is going to be beautiful and perfect. And even if so-called problems, which you guys, come on, it’s just life. It’s just life. This is just life.

And if we can learn how to do life well and know what we have control of and spend all of our energy funneled in the things that we want to create for ourselves, our everyday life. Say yes to the things that light us up and no to the things that don’t. Hang out with people who are good for us and stop hanging out with people who are not good for us, protect ourselves, have good, clear boundaries, everything starts changing.

And so to finish 2023 on a very high note, I want to offer you a way of living, carrying on, moving on with your life that feels so good for you and feels expansive. Feels like this is who I’ve always wanted to be and no longer living in a leaky boat where you’re just cupping out all of this water, just seeping in. Spending your days, spinning your wheels on things that are not improving, making progress in your own life, but just in reactionary mode. No more of that. We become the witness. We become intentional.

We take action from this place of sureness and safety and love and we start creating a life that we’re absolutely obsessed with and this is exactly how you do it.

Alright, so I want you, I’m going to remind you again today that I have a spot for you in my January 2024 group. I want you to take it today. I want you to go to my website and purchase your spot. And then you’re going to hear from me right away. You will get a one-on-one session with me. You will get my workbook in the mail immediately along with, and possibly a Kym Showers t-shirt which will be so fun for you, but also your Plan Tomorrow, Today planner.

And I will teach you immediately how to do that, how to take back control of your life, especially in the month of December, and then going into a brand new year. You will be off and running. You will get access to my membership portal, which you will get so many tools, you’ll get to go in and watch so many great, helpful, useful videos right away which will be so helpful in the month of December. So go grab that spot, you’ll love, love, love this January group.

You’ll be the perfect fit for it if you’re in the second half of life and you actually want to change your life moving forward and have more joy and more happiness, more fulfillment, more purpose. Even if you want to start something new, this is the perfect group for you. If you want to change the way you think and feel about your body, you want to create better habits, I’m the habit queen. And if you want to even launch a business, I know how to help you to do that. If you want to make more money, I know how to help you do that.

If you want to have better, healthier, happier relationships with the people you love the most, I can 100% help you do that. And especially if you want to think and feel better about yourself, that’s what this is all about. Alright, I hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving like I did. My brothers were here from Germany. I got to spend three whole days, this is the third day I’m going to get to spend with my brothers and my sister and all of my family. I love them all so much. We’re just such an amazing crew of people and so connected.

And I just am so grateful for all of you showing up every week. I Love, love, love my clients. I am obsessed with them. And I just want us all to have very, very happy lives and very, very happy holidays. That’s what this is all about. Alright, I love you so much.

Happy last day of November 2023. And I will talk to you the first week of December and I cannot wait.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.