Ep 111. Stop Making Excuses and Start Being Awesome

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 111, Stop Making Excuses and Start Being Awesome.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey, everyone. Oh my gosh, I am being so clear and concise and direct with you today. If you’re a woman in the second half of life I want you to know how awesome you are. And I want you to know that you have an opportunity right now to change everything by literally disciplining yourself to stop making excuses and whining and complaining and dropping down into this fearful energy that you’re so practiced at. I want you to know for sure that you can rise above all of that and start living an amazing life by deciding right now how awesome you are. You are so awesome.

You are an extraordinary woman and your only problem is that you believe your brain. You believe all those self-doubting thoughts that your brain feeds you. So this episode I want you to know is directly for you. It’s exactly what I have always needed to hear. I need a good solid pep talk from my coach often because I just keep wanting to up-level my life and my brain wants me to stay on the level that I’m at. And so my brain offers me self-doubt thoughts too and tries to sabotage my growth and my awesomeness. And literally I refuse it. I just don’t let it.

And so I just want you to know whatever age you are is your superpower. You are at the perfect age right now to start living into your awesomeness, into your amazingness, into your extraordinary you-ness. So I just got right into it today but here’s why. So one of my most life changing books that I’ve ever read and that I’ve listened to over and over and over and it is all highlighted up because it was so life changing for me in my early 50s. And it might have been even, I don’t know, when I was 50 or my early 50s. So let’s just say 10 years ago, I read it for the first time and it blew my mind.

It is written by Jen Sincero, it is a yellow book, it is called You Are a Badass. And this is, I’m being direct with you today, I’m looking you in the eye, my friend, and I’m telling you, you are a badass. And she goes on and this is on the cover of her book, How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. And oh my gosh, I just take this advice to heart every single day. So right now I am in the middle of a lot of things going on. And my old self would be so freaked out about all of it.

And this self right now, my 62 year old self at this level that I’m living has tinges of freak out-ness. But overall I don’t make any of even the freak out-ness feelings a problem for me. And I love that about myself. I trust myself. I know my greatness. I know how awesome I am. I know that I’m a badass. I know my grittiness. I am like a dog with a bone now. So this is what comes with a managed mind because I’ve learned how to not make any of my feelings wrong because a lot of my feelings are just memorized.

A lot of your feelings are just memorized from all these years of living and just being in this cycle of reacting to problems, so-called problems. And what I know now is that I create 100% of the drama in my life. And I’m telling you, you create 100% of the drama in your life. Nothing has to be a problem unless we want it to be a problem or we actually make it a problem, which is so useful for us to know and to think about and to believe. It has been so useful for me to believe this.

So for example, I told you about the lady crashing into our yard a few months ago now, or a couple months ago or whenever that was. And then it’s taken this long to get started on fixing the yard, fixing what she took out. But then, you know the book, When You Give a Mouse a Cookie, literally our whole front and backyards needed to be relandscaped because we hadn’t touched them. They had been so neglected since we moved in. They had been neglected before we moved in. And our yards were not attractive. They just needed some attention.

And it was just one of those phases with our house, which I know you guys all know, this is a very common thing. We did a phase one when we moved in and then that took a huge chunk of money. And then we kind of just got into a new rhythm of life and our phase one was our upstairs, which is our kitchen and our living room and our guest bathroom. And our downstairs is three bedrooms and two bathrooms that are still stuck in the 80s, which is totally fine. They’re very comfortable and cozy and it’s our little sleeping cave. We love it.

And so that was going to be my phase two but this gal that started our movement in a different direction with our yard, which is great and fine. I decided, let’s hire these just a little couple of guys, landscapers that my brother-in-law recommended and just great guys. But they didn’t have all the time in the world to do everything that I was wanting them to do. And if you give a mouse a cookie then the mouse wants a glass of milk. And if you give them a glass of milk and then it just goes on and on.

So you know that with the phases of decorating or redoing, refurbishing, reinventing your house, there’s always one thing leads to the next. If we started on one end of our yard, of our front yard, we had to just keep going. And we have kind of a big yard. So I was making decisions. I am not a landscaper. And I had an idea for the backyard. And so they got the backyard mostly done. And I love the backyard, it’s so great.

We put in that really nice upgraded, awesome fake turf that looks just like grass. It took the place of this huge bed of big overgrown, I don’t know, kind of normal beach shrubs, all of that. But I never liked it and it never looked good. And so I had them all rip that out. And they laid this beautiful green turf. Oh, gosh, you guys, the yard looks amazing. It’s so much prettier. It’s super simple. You know me. I love everything super clean and simple. I don’t like a bunch of stuff in any space. So this is perfect for me.

And then they put poles in so we could have just magical party lights hanging over the turf, and I’ll have my Adirondack chairs out there. And they planted some shrubs on the side beds and it’s just perfect. It doesn’t need anything else. And it’ll be a great place for my grandbabies to run around. I’ll have toys out there. Goldie’s always asked me, “Pippy, why don’t you have any toys in your backyard?” It’s because there really wasn’t any place to play in the backyard.

And the truth is, you guys, and I know you do this too, I want you to know this is so normal. I really have just avoided it, even though you can see it, you can see it from my deck, you can see it from where I’m sitting right now. You can see my backyard from where I’m sitting right now. When I work every day, I just have kept my eyes above it where the ocean is. And so it just was never a problem for me. I just thought I’ll get to it when I get to it, but right now is not the time. Well, the time came, we got to it and I’m so glad we did, it’s so great.

And then my goal was to have my yards finished by the time I have my retreat which is in two weeks. So I was really pushing these guys that were doing the yard. And they actually have other jobs going on too. So I had to just be very direct with them as well and just said, “I really need this done by October 30th, can you get it done?” And they were like, “Yeah, we can get it done.” Well, I didn’t see how they were going to get it done because they just weren’t here enough working on it and there was just so much left to do. They got the backyard done, which is awesome. And then they started on the front yard.

Well, the front yard probably needed the most. And what I had decided on was to keep it very simple and clean. We have big old trees out there. I was just going to light up the trees and focus on the trees. And then they pulled out all the shrubs in the front, which they all needed to come out because every single one of them was ugly and not very well taken care of. So once they even pulled out all the shrubs in the front, which was a huge job, the yard already looked so much better.

But I had made the decision because I know several people and I like the look of that DG. It’s called DG and it’s just like a sand compacted product that they put on the ground instead of rocks or instead of bark or whatever you normally put on the ground. We have kind of a mountainy front yard, that’s what I would call it. It’s not like a front yard we could put grass in because it has a big slope. It’s kind of a hillside because we live at the beach and that’s just kind of how all the yards are here. That’s just the way it is.

So otherwise I would have put grass in the front as well because I love grass or this turf, but there’s no way we could do it. So I picked this DG. Well, he laid the first section of the DG yesterday. And I worked all day and then Jeff and I went to the girls’ swim lessons and then we went out to dinner with the [inaudible] and then by the time I got home they had laid this first section of the DG. You guys, I hate it. It looks so bad. So last night when I went to bed, I was like, “I’m going to have to tell him to pull that out. I do not like that.”

Well, at first I was like, “Do I like it? Could I like it?” And I was like, “This is going to be on the whole rest of my front yard.” And it just wasn’t what I had in mind. It’s a different color. I don’t know, I don’t like it. So I just let myself not like it and not be freaked out about it. And alright, maybe my front yard isn’t going to be done by retreat and that’s going to be okay. But I’m going to make sure that I’m not agreeing to something that I don’t like just because I’m in a rush. I’m willing to give up some money to get what I want.

So I texted my guy, my great landscape guy, who’s been so diligent and so good with me and patient with me. And I just said, “Stop on the DG. I decided I don’t like it. This is on me, not you. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” So I haven’t talked to him yet, but I’m going to talk to him about it today and just slow it all down. And maybe I don’t get the front yard done until I decide really, truly, what do I really want and not be in a rush with it.

But I woke up also in the middle of the night and I’ve told you this before, but every once in a while I get a case of vertigo. And I woke up in the middle of the night last night with vertigo. And I was like, “Well, there you are my friend right on time. This makes sense.” So the difference between me now and the difference between me six, seven, eight years ago is I’m not one bit freaked out about my freak out, about any of it. Really, it’s just none of this is a problem whatsoever, I just slow everything down and just decide, it’s perfect the way it is for now.

And I’m going to make my decisions as I go. Vertigo isn’t a problem. Really the only problem with my vertigo is when I’m laying down I get very, very, very dizzy. And then that’s the reason I hold on when I’m at the gym and that means I can’t do lay down exercises when I’m at the gym. So this is what I know. So I just tell myself the facts and it’s all neutral. It’s just absolutely not a problem for me. I know how to do vertigo. And I’m not making myself wrong or any of the situation a problem.

And so I took my alarm off because I was going to go work out at 5:00am and I said, “I need the sleep more, so I’ll just go to work out when I wake up, whenever that is.” And I laid in bed last night or in the middle of the night and I actually put on the audio of You’re a Badass while I was laying in bed with vertigo. And I was like, “This is just not a problem at all. We are fine, slow everything down and everything’s going to work out perfectly.”

And the reason I’m telling you this is because we have so many excuses for why we are not living the life that we are meant to live and vertigo could be excused like the whole DG thing. And the yard could be an excuse, I’m wasting money could throw me into some kind of weird spin out and used to, would throw me into a weird spin out. I don’t want to hurt my landscaper’s feelings. I was just thinking of all the ways that I would have made this such a problem. And none of it’s a problem.

I’m just like, “Let’s just pull it out. We’ll slow it down. We’ll start all over. Vertigo isn’t a problem.” It’s my body’s reaction to when I have a lot going on and I’m totally fine with that. And I just will not let it stop me. I worked out at 6:15 this morning. It was an awesome workout. I just adjusted the floor workouts when we had to lay on the bench or lay on the floor. And I got a super great workout. I did a great row. I did a great run.

And I’m just telling you at 62 I just keep figuring it out. I am such a badass. I do not doubt my greatness. I am like a dog with a bone. I’m like, “Absolutely none of this is a problem.” I will never use excuses, low level excuses. I’m just going to overcome everything in my way to live the exact life that I want to live and that’s how much I love myself. That’s how much I believe in myself. I give myself the luxury of rest when I need rest. And I just don’t make myself wrong.

I just don’t make anything a problem that legitimately is not a problem. So how lucky I am to have a landscaper who is re-landscaping my yards. That’s so lucky. And whether it gets done at Christmas or whether it gets done by March 2024, I don’t even care. Let’s just not make any of this an issue at all. Let’s enjoy the abundance of what’s going on in my life right now, which is so much beauty and fun and excitement for everything that I’ve created this year. I’m helping so many women do the same thing.

And so I really just want you to wrap your mind around the truth that we create our own drama 100% of the time. We create our own problems 100% of the time. We doubt our greatness. We doubt our amazingness and that is our only issue. We can actually overcome everything if we stop making excuses, if we stop making ourselves the victim, if we stop making ourselves wrong, if we stop thinking of ourselves as less than actually who we are. We are absolutely extraordinary. I am extraordinary and you’re extraordinary.

That’s the power of knowing who you are and doing difficult things and not making excuses when your brain tries to drum up problems. You’re just like, “This isn’t a problem, sweet little brain of mine.” We are stronger than we have to be and I love that thought. I’ve been using that thought so much in the last few years. I just keep saying, “Kimmy, you are stronger than you need to be. Keep being stronger, keep being grittier than you need to be and it will all pay off for you.” And it just keeps expanding my life, you guys, in such beautiful, energetic ways.

I just keep showing up for myself no matter what. Nothing really has to be a problem for me. I’m not reacting to anything. So I’m free to not like things that I don’t like. I trust myself in that. I thought I was going to like the DG in the front yard. I don’t like it. It’s not a problem to pull it out and start all over. I think I like dark grounds instead of light grounds better. And so maybe I just end up doing a really dark brown bark on all my beds. I’m totally fine with that. I really don’t like rocks in beds. I know that, I drove around enough to see a bunch of beds full of rocks. And I just don’t think I like that.

We put these pea pebbles in our backyard at the bungalow and it’s good there. But after I put that in, I was like, “I don’t know if I would do that again.” So my landscaper was trying to talk me into that. And I was like, “I don’t think I like that either.” But I have driven around and I do see beds that are dark and I think I like that the best. So I might just start there and do some dark beds and then I don’t know, go from there. So we’ll see, we’ll see what happens, but I’m not in a rush anymore. I’m going to have them slow down. I’m going to slow down in my decisions.

And then just make the ones that I like the best and not be in a rush. And I think that’s always a good rule of thumb and this is what I believe too. The slower I go the more time I have and the steadier I am, the more confident I am in my decision making. So you know what I always say, I’m never in a rush, and I think that has served me well. So I recognized yesterday when we got home and I didn’t like the DG.

And I was like, “I think I rushed myself because I wanted it to be finished in a certain time.” So I was making a lot of quick decisions, which I normally like doing but then you know what? It’s okay when something didn’t turn out the way you had it in your mind. And you can decide, you know what? That was not the right decision. I think I’m going to go a different direction. So let’s slow down, regroup and go a different direction. I love that. So that’s kind of fun. I think that solves for a lot of things when you just have your own back.

Also, I want to tell you too, what has been so inspiring to me, not only my life has inspired me, so many of your lives have inspired me. So much on Instagram inspires me. A new movie is coming out on Netflix about Diana Nyad’s attempt to swim from Cuba to Florida. You guys, she did that in her 60s. And my friend Zibby Owens, now she’s my friend. She just put that up on her Instagram this morning.

And I saw her brother was a co-producer of that movie for Netflix, because her brother owns a production company, I think it’s called Big Bear Productions or something like that. And his name is Teddy Schwarzman, I think. And such an incredible family of people doing big things in the world. Her and her brother, oh, my gosh and then their dad owns a big company as well, but so inspired by them. But this movie, I can’t wait for it to come out on Netflix because Diana Nyad was in her 60s, you guys, my age, your age possibly when she did this big swim.

And they’re doing a whole documentary on her life. And of course I’m so into documentaries. I’m so into people who are doing big things and who are taking their fear with them and not making excuses and knowing their awesomeness. Having so much self-belief and so much self-love and so much self-trust, and it benefits all of us so much when we do that. When we’re women in the second half of life who stop doubting our awesomeness and start living this amazing life full of creativity.

So instead of just being consumers, we’re actually putting goodness out in the world with sweaty armpits. This is what we do, of course it’s scary, of course it takes all of our resources but we have an endless supply of resources. I want you to start thinking about it like that. And when one thing doesn’t go the way you thought, you just redirect and go a different way and you never ever stop. You’re like a dog with a bone. I just love that. I am like a dog with a bone right now and it’s so fun being me right now. Because I literally do not doubt my awesomeness and I don’t want you to either.

That is what’s going to give you the life that you’ve always dreamt of. You stop complaining. You stop whining. You stop low level living and making excuses for every single thing and you take your fear and you go and you do it, you do the big thing. And you’re like, “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’m going to go do it. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.” So you know if it’s you who I’m talking to, I just hit a chord with you. You have that thing and I want you to do it no matter what. I want you to know you are the only one in your way.

And everybody else who’s dumping their fearful brains on you, I want you to stop talking to them. I want you to listen to me instead because I am just not going to do that to you. I want you to come and work with me. You have such a great opportunity.

Actually starting November 1st, you can come and start working with me and get in my group in January, that’s my next group. But I will give you a couple of one-on-one coaching sessions to get you up and running. I’m going to send you my six month planner to get you planning your days and your new ways of thinking.

I’m going to send you my workbook so that you can get started on these practices. You’ll learn how to think about everything as neutral. You’re going to start using the model in your life. You’re going to start practicing boundaries and being direct with the people you love the most and breaking out of co-dependencies and out of people pleasing and putting yourself first for the first time. Taking care of your body, getting your body healthy and strong.

So take advantage of this offer starting November 1st on my website kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my January group. You’ll hear from me immediately and I’ll get you up and running. You’ll get to log into my membership portal that has lots of good teaching tools in it. You’ll get invited to my workshops. And you’ll just be getting coached immediately, two months before your group even starts. So it’ll be really eight months’ worth for the price of six months. So take advantage of that. You’re worth it.

Get your new year up and running early. Always working ahead, you know I love thinking like that. It benefits me greatly. It will benefit you greatly. Stop doubting your awesomeness and start living your very best life starting today just like I am. No excuses, only greatness moving forward, we’re going to drop all of our nonsense, all of our ridiculousness, and just live this brilliant life in the second half of life.

This is the best half of life. It’s our most powerful half. And the world deserves us to love ourselves well and to show up for ourselves and to start creating so much goodness for the world. Alright, have an amazing week being you, and I will see you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.