Ep 109. The Power of Coaching

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 109, The Power of Coaching.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey, my friends, I have something special for you today. So my last group of the year started yesterday on October 4th. And I sent a clip, a 20 minute clip of that coaching to my podcast team. And we’re turning that into this podcast episode because it is so good. I wanted you to get a taste of coaching today. I wanted you to know how powerful my groups are and how life changing they are and the value that I offer my clients every single week. I don’t joke around, you guys.

I call my clients to their highest selves every single week. I push them. I challenge them. I want them to get every single thing that they come for when they hire me. And so this episode today, I wish you could watch it actually, but you can’t watch it. But it is the beginning of the very first session with this brand new group of women. And I go over coaching goals with every group that I start. That’s the very first session. So I wanted to share those goals with you. You’re welcome. This is my last group of the year that I started.

My next group will start in January, so get ready for that. But I really want you to understand, if you love this podcast, if you get encouraged and motivated and inspired by it every week, with every episode. I want you to triple, quadruple, 100 times that, when you hire me and join a coaching group with me. And then come to my retreat, your life will never be the same. I 100% guarantee that whatever changes you are wanting to make, I will help you make those changes in your life.

My energy is undeniable every week. I have changed literally before my own eyes and before my clients’ eyes. And they are changing before their own eyes and before my eyes. So coaching, I believe in it so much. I believe it’s the most powerful gift that we can give ourselves as women in the second half of life. And my coaching skills are top notch. I just get to the root of the issue that you need to work on. I can see right through to your brain and I just drill in there and help you get out of your own way.

So what you’re going to hear today will be very uplifting to you, very inspiring to you. It goes along a lot with my episode last week about believing in yourself 100%. That is always the bottom line to all of our goals because that is what changes us the most. So I just offer all of my clients and then again with you today the five or six things that I am very specific about, the goals that I want for you as my client and the things that I am for sure going to offer you in the next six months when you hire me.

So I wanted to offer you this gift today and a little taste of coaching, what happens each week. I teach you a tool and then we get right to coaching. This was the very first session so I taught a little bit longer than I normally do every week. But this teaching is so powerful that I just thought I want to offer it to everybody out there in my podcast land. So enjoy this clip of my October group, my very first session with them and the teaching that I gave them at the beginning of the session.

But first of all I want to go over a few group goals that I have in mind whenever I start a new group. But what I’m going to do is just jump to the most important one is to grow your belief in yourself 100%, 1,000%, a billion percent. Because after all this time, I have decided that’s the best thing we can do is to turn all the energy, in fact, my episode tomorrow on my podcast is called Believing in You.

I’m so passionate about this idea because I think this is what’s given me the most power in my own life is literally the belief that I have in God, that energy. I just turned it all on me because I really believe that has been the purpose this whole time of me believing in God is that I am supposed to believe in myself that much. And that’s where I’ve gotten the most traction, the most value out of my life here on Earth is that I just have practiced believing in myself 100%.

And any time that I have noticed my brain going outside of me like, well, they’re not going to let me down. I believe in someone more than I believe in me. I started noticing that. No, I want to believe in me more than I believe in them. I want to believe in me more than I believe in a situation. So this is the most important thing that I want you to get out of the next six months, as far as I’m concerned is literally practicing believing in you every single day.

Any time you notice yourself trusting something outside of you more than you trust you. I want you to notice that. I want you to question that. I want you to take that energy and figure out why you’re not believing in yourself that much. And this is, you guys, can you imagine if you trusted yourself 100%, if you knew for sure you would never let yourself down. This is the belief that I had in God or in the universe or whatever you think, whatever you call the higher power, if you have that belief. I believe in myself that much now. That has changed everything for me.

I put all the chips on my square on the table. I’m like, “I’m not going to really even count on anyone else because I’ve got me and I’ll never let myself down.” So if you find yourself going, “Well, I’m really counting on that to happen”, I want you to notice that and go, “I’m counting on me to happen. I’m going to figure this out and if that doesn’t work, totally fine because I’m going to make something else work.”

So I think by the time you’ve gotten to 62 like I am, you’re all younger than me and I like it that way. I think that our brain is so trained in a certain pattern of belief that we’re so unaware of. And we’re here in this coaching group because we want to change that pattern of belief. And so I want you to know, by the end of this six months, what you’re capable of in your own life. And that’s number one. Know how powerful you are in your own life. You should be the most powerful person in your own life.

Your thoughts should be thinking about you and your life more than you’re thinking about anyone else and their life and what they’re thinking about you. We’ve got to let all of that go and think about what we’re thinking about us and then if those are useful thoughts, we’re going to keep those. And if they’re not useful thoughts, we’re going to let those thoughts go. Because the best thing we can ever give to our partners, to our kids, to our parents, to our friends is to become the most powerful person in our own life in the second half of life.

I’m telling you, it’s so much more attractive and we’re the ones they’re looking to. If we want to keep repeating the same old patterns that our parents handed down to us, then we don’t do any of this, because we’ll automatically pass that down because it’s so ingrained in our brain. But if we want to change things up, then we start doing the things that I’m teaching and it changes everything. And it’s so beneficial to everybody else in our life. It adds so much value to their lives.

Not only am I up-leveling my life if I’m going first. I have such influence on you because you paid me to have influence on you, you up-level your life. And then my family up-levels their life and your family up-levels your life. That’s just the new pattern. That’s the new way of it. We’re changing the whole story of what’s possible for women in the second half of life, which is incredible. It’s extraordinary. It’s so exciting. It’s so thrilling.

I want you to get up every morning with so much belief in yourself that you just love being you. You love being you in your life that you’re creating for yourself. And you are able, you have the skill to harness the feelings that you want to have every day. And you’re not afraid to feel any of the feelings, you’ll feel it all. So you just open up to all of it and you say yes to all of it. And then you’re the one that gets to decide the momentum that you’re creating in your life. And you get to decide what direction you’re heading.

Happiness is just a direction. There’s no arrival. It’s just a direction that we’re headed. It’s the umbrella of our life. It’s a powerful happiness, which includes the ability to handle all the ‘negative feelings’, which includes self-doubt, which includes disappointment and anger and all of it. We’re not afraid to feel any of it because it’s part of this amazing human experience. So know that you for sure are the most powerful person in your life. And if you’re not, we’re going to change that immediately.

We’re going to figure out why you’re not. And we’re going to get yourself out of your own way. And we’re going to make sure you’re the most powerful person in your own life in every area. And then know your worth. There is nothing, you’re 100% worthy of every single thing that you could ever imagine wanting. So don’t take anything off the table. Everything is available to you. The craziest stuff that you’re afraid to even just say out loud is available to you if you really want it and you’re 100%, 1,000% worthy.

And no one, nothing will ever diminish that. You can’t diminish it. The world can’t diminish it. No one can take that away from us. So that goes along with believing in yourself, knowing your worth, knowing your value. It’s always top notch. It’s always at the highest level. It’s not diminishable at all by anything we could ever think or do or say, none of it. Know for sure 100% of the time your thoughts are creating your reality, just know that, accept that, that is true.

Your thoughts are creating your life. Look around you. Look at your body. Look at the way you show up every day. Look at your schedule. Look at the house you live in. Look at the car you drive. Look at the town you live in. Look who you’re married to. The relationship you have with the kids you have if you have them. The way that you believe about all of this, the way that you think about yourself has created everything in your life. This is such good, powerful news, accept it all, you haven’t done anything wrong.

But if you want to change something, we’re going to change your thoughts about it starting with your thoughts about you. The fourth one is know your future self. I love thinking about her. So this is a practice that you can get really good at. You can imagine who your future self is. You build a relationship with her, you communicate with her, you listen to her. She tells you what to stop doing and what to start doing now to get you where you want to go.

I have this 70 year old self, which is eight years down the road for me that I created and I keep kind of creating her in my head and in my mind and in my soul. And I have this beautiful relationship with her. And she is my north star, she is my guru, she’s my superpower, she keeps leading me on. She makes me so brave. And she’s me. She’s my future self and she is extremely beautiful. She’s very powerful. She’s very rich. She’s very generous. She’s very successful. She’s very kind. And I show up as her right now every single day.

That’s the level of belief I have in myself. That’s the power of the future self. So I want you to imagine her, whoever you can imagine, your highest self, your best self, your smartest self, your most trustworthy self. That’s what I want you to create in your mind and then you’re going to start practicing showing up as her now, thinking like her, feeling like her, being her in your own skin, in your own life, every single day.

The fifth and final one is fall in love with you. Love you, love every inch of you. Everything that you’ve ever done, just be so appreciative of you. Think about who you love the most in your life. And I want you to turn that love on to yourself, that kind of energy, that kind of affection and compassion and enthusiasm. I started doing that, I’ve always been so in love with my kids. I’ve always been so in love with my husband and my friends. And now I’m so in love with my granddaughters, they’re just magical to me.

And when my first granddaughter was born five years ago, I had this epiphany because of all this optimistic magical affection I felt for her. I thought, what if I felt like that about me, what if I just started practicing that about me, how much that would change me.

And I did, I started practicing that because it felt so out of body experience to be able to conjure up those kind of emotions for myself and kind of see myself from a different perspective through a different lens. And then I started having so many more loving feelings inside about myself and it started changing everything for me.

So instead of thinking our brain defaults to lack and to negativity. And so our brain loves to think that people are thinking negative things about us because deep down we think negative things about us. But what if we didn’t anymore? I would never think anything negative about my granddaughters, ever. They can’t do anything wrong but they can color on the walls and I’d be okay with it. I’d be like, “I’ll figure out how to get that off the walls.”

It’s such a different kind of thinking and feeling about yourself where I’m not hard on myself at all. My granddaughters love to be with me because I’m so madly in love with them. Who doesn’t want to be with someone who you just feel so loved by? So I give myself that kind of affection now. I’m so in love with myself in the best possible way. I’m not hard on myself at all, you guys, because this is [inaudible] for me. If my brain tries to drum up something, I’m like, “That’s not a problem.”

Just like I would say if Dolly my three year old granddaughter did something like, I don’t know, didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and peed on my rug. I’d be like, “Honey.” She’d be like “Peepee, I’m so sorry.” I’d be like, “Honey, it’s fine.” And truly mean it. It’s totally fine. She’s just learning. I’m still learning. I’m a forever learner. I’m still learning. I’m still nervous putting myself out in the world every day. I still get sweaty armpits about a lot of things. And you know what? I love it.

I love myself so much that this is me. I feel so brave every day. So this level of love for yourself is what we’re after. This is what I want for you, my beautiful clients. I want this acceptance and this over the top generosity of spirit towards yourself that you can absolutely be madly in love with yourself every single day. That’s what’s possible for you. You can make all the mistakes in the world and just be fine with it, not a problem. My favorite thought in the world, this isn’t a problem.

I automatically go to that thought so many times a day when my brain’s just like, “This might be a problem. This could be a problem. Let’s worry about this.” I’m like, “This isn’t a problem. We’ve got this.” And then above all of this, even though it’s sitting below it is believe in you 1,000%. You’re going to work on your belief in yourself every single day for the next six months like your life depends on it because it does. Your life depends on you believing in yourself 1,000%, and this will change everything for you.

It will change your relationships with everybody that means the most in your life. It’ll change the way that you are able to create in the world. Why you’re here on Earth is to create something special and unique that only you can create. I can’t create it, only you can create it. And when you believe in yourself 1,000% you put yourself in motion every day. You take action every day to create the thing that’s just in you to create. And it brings so much joy to your life. It brings so much productivity, so much satisfaction, so much purpose.

We all just want this purpose. And so many women that reach their 50s and their 60s just lack purpose, lack self-love and self-belief. And then they end up just chilling the rest of their life and lack enthusiasm, lack this motivation, lack this excitement about life. And I’m here to show you a different way. There is such a better way and I just believe there’s a whole movement in this way. I am so willing to go first towards everything because I believe in it so much. And I believe in everything that I do every day.

And I see, I watch how my life has evolved before my own eyes and how the things that I used to worry about, I do not worry about at all anymore. I spend very little energy on worry. And if I am worrying, it’s only because I’ve gone a little bit unconscious and I’ve just let my brain take over. Maybe I’m tired and so my brain just drums up this nonsense. And then when I come back online I’m like, “Oh my gosh, this isn’t a problem.” So I have lots of habits that you guys probably know about because there’s only four of you who are new.

And in this group, everybody else has worked with me at least for six months and so you know a lot of my habits and how powerful my habits are. My habits create my dream. So my dream life are my daily habits. Every day is my dream life because of the habits, because of the schedule that I keep every day. I create it, I love it. I show up for myself 100%, 1,000 every day. I never let myself down. I do exactly what I want to do. I’m not worried about people pleasing.

I’m not worried about my husband being happy. He’s about as happy as any husband has ever been and it’s not my job to keep him there, it’s totally his job and he’s doing a really good job at it. And it’s 100% my job to keep me happy and I’m doing a really good job at it. It’s 100% my kids’ job to keep them happy and they’re doing a pretty good job at it. So I don’t take responsibility for anybody but myself all the time. I’m on board with me and that has such an optimistic positive influence on everybody around me. They can trust me because I can trust me. That’s how that works.

So we’ll meet every Wednesday at 11 o’clock Pacific Time for an hour, really 55 minutes. And those of you who are new to me and my coaching, you get a 30 minute private session once a month. That’s 100% on you to email me and schedule it. And we’ll get that scheduled. I do that with groups of 10 or more if you’re new. And then we have the retreat, which is in one month, exactly. That retreat is going to change your life.

And I’m really excited for this group because you’re going to get to know each other early on, which is going to be fun for you the rest of the five months. Because you’re going to know each other in person and that’s going to be really fun for you to get to know each other in person. It just makes the group time extra special and meaningful. I’ll try and get to half of you every week, get to coaching. Bring anything from your workbook. So your workbook is for you 100%, it’s for just supplemental work.

If you want to work on emotional adulthood, emotional childhood. If you want to work on boundaries. If you want to work on the model. If you want to work on self-confidence. Anything you want to work on, there’s an opportunity for you to work in this workbook you’ll have forever. If there’s something that comes up or you have questions about, just bring it to coaching. This is a really fun thing to get coached on if you’re working on something in the workbook and you have questions about it, bring that to coaching.

If you’re not sure what you want to get coached on, just bring something in the workbook to coaching and I’ll coach you on that. We have a few coaches in this group which is going to be really fun. Actually all my groups have a couple of coaches. This one has, I think, four coaches, which is really fun, five, including me. So I tend to be coaching coaches quite a bit these days, which is super fun.

Okay, wasn’t that amazing? I hope you got as much out of it as we all did. I know you did. And I want you to apply everything that I taught my clients, I want you to imagine me looking into your eyes because that’s what I was doing. I was looking into all of their eyes on my screen. It’s like the Brady Bunch screen, you all know what it looks like on Zoom. Well, I get to see everybody. We are together and I am talking directly to them. So imagine that I was offering you all of this goodness and all of this love and all of this challenge directly to you in your own life. This is what I want for all of us. I especially want it for you.

So listen to it again and again and share it with anybody who is interested in coaching, anybody who is interested in up-leveling their lives in the second half of life. And I invite you all to my next group, which will start the second week of January 2024. Change your life forever. Go all in on you. Believe in yourself a billion percent. Love yourself more than you’ve loved anybody else. And just watch what happens my friends and I will talk to you next week.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.