A Gift.

A couple of weeks ago I sat in my living room and balled my eyes out. It wasn't my normal 'happy tears' cry, it was a sad, mad, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed cry. I don't cry like this very often. I have a habit of resisting negative emotions and so they of course, build up & find their way out occasionally. Negative emotions refuse to be ignored. I felt vulnerable, exhausted, afraid and relieved. The crying brought such relief. It was needed. I've spent all of 2018 in school and the last three months have been intense. I thought it was going to be easier & it's not. I thought I'd be better at it & I'm not. I thought I'd be the star of the class. Nope. Not even close. It's been challenging for me in every possible way. It's taught me so much about myself and anxiety. It's taught me how much I don't know. It's taught me how much power my thoughts have. It's taught me how important failing is. It's taught me vulnerability. And I can't even begin to tell you the trauma I've experienced learning the required technology. UGH. This year for sure has taught me that my big dream is on the other side of every sucky feeling possible and that getting there is not one bit easy. I think I kind of knew it going in but now I know it for real. Chasing my dream looked all rainbows and daisies in my imagination but in real life it's hard. You know what though? I'm still alive. Phew. The bad feelings didn't kill me. Everything is ok. Nothing has gone wrong. I know it's all a part of it and my dream is worth it. Struggle and negative emotions are necessary. They come with being human. They make me better if I let them. Though it doesn't look like it or feel like it, let's call the struggle a gift, shall we? I'm going to school to become a Certified Life Coach. I picked the most amazing school with the most challenging curriculum. The bar is set high. I don't want to be just any old Life Coach. I want to be THE MOST INCREDIBLE Life Coach on the planet. This is my dream and I dream big. I'm willing to do what it takes. I'm willing to fail a thousand times a day forever. I'm willing to work hard forever. I'm willing to live intentionally and disciplined forever. I'm willing to feel all my fears & anxiety and negative feelings forever. I know for sure this is who I am & this is what I'm meant to do. I won't let my fear of fear talk me out of it. I'm becoming the very best version of myself by pushing through the thresholds of my own fears. I'm helping my clients become the very best version of themselves by coaching them through the thresholds of their own fears. I'm helping them discover their thoughts and feelings and dreams and passions and I'm giving them the tools to get them to a bright new place. It is absolutely the best work I've ever done. It's brave, it's challenging & it's meaningful. The more I coach myself, the better coach I am for my clients.  The process works and it's life-giving. It's a win+win. It's absolutely my gift.

The truth is, living your best life requires all the deepest, truest, hardest stuff from you. It's what you find when you're forced to dig in and excavate the things you've covered up. The feelings you've been afraid to feel. The hidden secrets, the painful disappointments & the lame excuses you've been afraid to face. All of your dreams are on the other side of your fears and sucky feelings. For sure it's helpful to know this. Whatever it is you are wanting and dreaming and working for won't be a piece of pie. It won't be rainbows and daisies. It will take intention and hard work and discipline and the willingness to fail a thousand times a day. But I promise promise promise it'll be worth it. The struggle will actually turn out to be one of the best parts of your story. It will be the reason you are grateful and honest & compassionate and generous. It will be the reason you see things differently and love people better and celebrate more. It will be the reason you are confident, resilient and living your best life. Though it doesn't look like it or feel like it your most painful struggle will absolutely become your most treasured gift.

In the end we're all the same. We want it to be easy. We want it to be snowflakes and candy canes. It's the way we're wired. We resist hard things. But the secret to our dreams is the courage to embrace it all. The good and the bad. The sweet feelings and the sucky feelings. The joy and the tears. Because it's all necessary. Because it's all important. Because it's all good. Because it's all worth it. Because a year goes by super fast, our dreams are waiting and the whole thing is a gift.

Happy November Sweet People.